Mask of Celibacy

Chapter 36

When Grandad had fallen ill earlier that year, I realized he could die. In that way, I didn't live in a fantastical dream world because he a seventy-nine year old with type two diabetes. 

In many ways, he was lucky to live that long without any trouble.

And yet his heart attack had made the fragility of human life all too real.

As I walked towards the reception desk with Yaya and Care, the weirdest sensation overpowered me. Now I understood the literal meaning of being beside oneself with worry and grief. It felt like I could observe everything from an objective distance rather than admitting it was happening to me.

"Are you okay, dear?" asked Yaya. "You seem awful quiet. Your stomach?"

"I'm fine," came my robotic response. 

Yaya and Care exchanged a worried look as my best friend snaked her arm around my shoulders. As we strode to the cardiac urgent care unit, a feeling of numbness came over me. Like I could shrug off any stress, no matter how drastic.

"Yes, hello." My voice sounded almost robotic as I approached the reception desk. "I'm the granddaughter of Theodore Kouris. I believe he suffered cardiac arrest?"

I felt nothing. I felt everything. It was all too much.

"Yes, he's in room 113," replied the nurse. "We're keeping visitation down to fifteen minutes."

"Is there anything I should know?" I asked. 

"Keep your visit positive and upbeat," she replied. "If you find he's falling asleep, best let him rest."

"Will he recover?"

"The doctor has spoken to Mrs. Kouris about that," replied the nurse.

"Okay, thank you."

I turned to Yaya and Care, who embraced me in a group hug. Why aren't I crying? Shouldn't I be crying? Something awful has happened, and I don't know if he'll be okay. 

Am I a monster?

"We'll wait in the café until you're finished, sweetheart," said Yaya. "Take your time."

"Thanks, Yaya," I said in a choked voice.

Care hugged me. "Anything you need...anything at all...please tell us."

"Thanks, sis."

Light-headed and oddly disembodied, I walked towards room 113. Once Mom caught sight of me, she bustled out of the room. She didn't give me a single second to fear our reunion. 

Mom wrapped me up in a genuine, warm hug and began to sob. "Oh, Jess dear! Thank God you're here."

I embraced her, all the tension leaving her shoulders. Thank God I didn't have to worry about placating her upset as well. 

"How is he?" I asked. "Will he make it?"

"The doctors are optimistic," said Mom as she pulled back, leading me away from the room. "The first twenty-four to forty-eight hours are key. Especially with his diabetes."

I nodded.

"They keep checking his blood sugar," she added. "They have him on oxygen and a machine to monitor his pulse and blood pressure. They have him on a saline drip, too."

I nodded. 

"It's a waiting game, Jess dear."

"Should I inform my school?" I asked. "Should I stay here?"

"Absolutely not," replied Mom in an emphatic voice. "You can come and visit him when you can, but you must not put your life on hold. Do well in school. Focus on your finals."