I don't even know what to name this

Idek

This chapter is inspired by SingaliciousDancing . I was laughing my head off so I'll write too... it's 3am so if I write something dOnT jUdGe.

~How I learnt about the process of pregnancy~

Once upon a time, little me the fabulous was going to poop. Little me the fabulous was 6 years old so she was very mischievous. She took her cousins phone to the washroom to watch cartoon while pooping. *mentally facepalming* She opens the phone and sees a lot of uncles and aunties doing something. She knew how to read English so she read "Porn". She tapped at one and it started to play. She turned the sound off so that no one found out that she takes people's phones to the toilet. (Let me die). She got interested in this thing called porn.

*1 year later*

Little me the fabulous is in her aunt's house. Mom and aunt wants to go shopping. They want to take little me the fabulous too. They all go together while leaving the stupid cousin and his bestie in the house. Me the fabulous start screaming because she doesn't want to go. Mom sends her home after a while. Little kiddo creeps in to the house to get ice cream. But.... she hears someone panting. No, some people.... (Dun DUn DUN) She slowly opens the door to her cousin's room. He is watching something with his friend. She opens the door with a slam. "What are you people doing? I want to watch tv too" she says angrily. She never liked her cousin. "I'll punish you if you don't get out!" He shouted. His friend tried to calm the stupid cousin down. Little me the fabulous started tearing up. "Big bro is being mean!!!" She whines and runs to the living room. "She acts like a stupid 3 year old when she's with me! Acts all matured whenever the adults are around" The older starts chasing the younger kid. His friend watches porn without him and goes away after a while. He gets a phone call from his mom and the girls mom. "Hey, can you please feed her and make her take a shower and take her to sleep?" "What?! No! She doesn't listen to me!" "We're buying a new remote control car for you today" "okay fine!" Feeds her with some difficulty. Takes her to shower.
*in the shower*
"Hey buddy, listen..."
"What?"
"Please don't tell anyone that we were watching weird stuff"
"Oh I saw those things before."
"WHERE?!"
"Promise you won't tease me and be mad at me"
(Can we kill this dude? He used to be like "OMG shorty, can't you get this candy from me?" Or like "you're so cute" his mood swings were-)
"Promise"
*says everything*
"Never do that again"

And yeah. He was 12 at that time. Now he has abs and sparkly gross teeth. AND HE STILL TEASES ME AHHH WTF. PLEASE DIE (no not literally... he's like a frenemy)

But, when I read "smut", for the first time, it was something like this-

"He leaves love bites"
Love bites? How do you do dat?
"She moans"
People moan when the food is good so does that mean that the "love bite" is some kind of a food?
"He slips he's panties down"
WTF IS GOING ON HERE?!
"He pulls his member out"
From where?
"He pushed his member inside her pussy"
Wait so... wut? WHAT?!
"Daddy... faster"
Wait, daddy? Isn't this a romantic story? Isn't this her boyfriend? And what faster? What are you doing? I asked my friends and they explained it to me so I installed Wattpad.

I wrote a long chapter.

See you in the next chapter!

*flips hair dramatically*