𝐔𝐍𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐘 (𝟏𝟖+) √

20

ROSE

I got dressed in warm clothes and once I was sure that Lilly was gone, I went outside. I needed fresh air and the bench on Toby's porch seemed perfect, despite the strong wind. I was alone for a while, and that was alright.

I took in my surroundings. It was truly a peaceful place to be, to live. It was pretty, too. I could only imagine how pretty it looked in the winter, covered in snow completely. The fresh air did help clear my mind, too.

Somehow, I thought about all the things that happened in the past month and I wanted to laugh. It was a laughable situation, wasn't it? A dumb girl caught feelings for someone who was far out of her reach and she didn't know how to deal with the consequences of her actions.

Tobias was selfish, but I was no better than him. The only thing I was constantly thinking about was me. How I was going to survive all of this and how I would heal. But, what about him? It didn't truly matter how – but I knew that I made an impact on his life, at least in some ways.

Was he going to miss me when I inevitably left? Would he not think of me again? Or would he get back together with Lilly, after all?

I shook my head with a dry laugh. The door of her house opened and Tobias came outside, with a blanket and a cup of warm tea. The blanket was fluffy and he threw it over my shoulders, before he took a seat next to me and handed me the cup.

''I apologize.'' He spoke, looking far ahead, ''That you had to hear all of that. It happened more than once, and I'm sorry.''

I shook my head, ''No need to apologize. It wasn't your fault.''

His response was a nod of his head. I took a sip of the tea, and the silence surrounded us. It was... defeating. There were many things to be discussed but neither of us was willing to truly go through that, and so, we remained silent for what seemed to be an eternity.

Yet, something was bubbling inside of me. Like a little bug that just wouldn't leave me alone, the thought was there. All I needed to do was voice out the question, gather the courage and be brave. And being brave was a hard thing to do.

I bit my bottom lip and decided it was now or never, and I couldn't live knowing I had the chance to ask, but was too much of a coward to do it.

A long sigh slipped past my lips, ''What are you going to do? About Lilly, I mean.''

I felt his burning gaze on the side of my face, though I didn't dare to return the stare. I wasn't that courageous.

''I've made my decision,'' Tobias said, and something inside of me snapped. The continued part of his sentence was something I wouldn't like, I knew it before I even heard it, ''Lilly and I through. We have been for a long time. She used to be the love of my life, and it's been about time I've moved on from that. She should be getting the divorce papers sometime next week.''

I smiled, ''I'm glad. It seems to be the best choice for you.''

''And I talked to my father this morning.'' I felt as if someone had slapped me, ''I've decided to follow his path and eventually become a priest.''

A lump had formed in my throat. As if someone had stabbed me in the chest. The air around me was too heavy and somehow, it made me want to cry. ''What?'' I didn't mean for it to come out as broken, though it did.

I looked at him, finally. Nothing but apology was on his face and since it was the first time he'd allowed me to truly see his emotions, I was livid. This was what he wanted me to see? This?

''Don't you need school to do that?''

He chuckled, ''Yes. And there is a short cut, of course.''

My hands were shaky as the tea had gotten cold. I averted my eyes from his, because if I had stared for a moment longer, I would've broken down into a mess. Tears were there too, despite me desperately trying to hold them back.