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- Vanessa Valor - - Compton, California -
"hey ki" i giggled as he jumped on me when i entered the house. "kilo" i laughed putting my hand out to stop him from being exited.
"kilo down!" i jumped up hearing roddys voice boom. "i thought you wasn't supposed to come back until friday" he furrowed his eyebrows sitting on the couch.
"i wasn't" i sighed walking into the living room. "but i needa talk to you"
it's almost been 3 months since me and roddy broke up. honestly, it's been hard.
but zay's been around at school so it wasn't as hard as it should be..
"roddy" i sat on the couch seeing as he was paying me no attention while a was on his phone. "Rodrick!" i grabbed his phone.
"Vanessa obviously ion wanna talk to you" he said reaching for his phone.
"fine!" i got up throwing his phone onto his lap. "then you'll be glad to know that moving out" i said as i felt tears building up. "i would've told you sooner but you've been a child about this whole situation between us instead of talking about it!"
"where you goin?" he asked as he followed me out to the foyer.
"somewhere where i'm appreciated! somewhere where i'm loved!" my voice cracked. "i just wanted to make things right with you but you OBVIOUSLY don't care" i waved him off. "forget you even met me" i sniffled grabbing the door handle and turning it.
only to get pulled back but before i could say anything i was cut off by his lips crashing into mine as his arm snakes around my waist holding me up.
"roddy" i pulled away.
"you ain't movin out. i know you think you got yourself covered, but you don't. no matter if we together or not, Vanessa. i made a promise that i'd always be here for you and that's what ima do" he admitted. "i don't wanna talk about our situation because it makes me upset as fuck and ion really cry"
"we need to" i sighed.
"you gotta be patient wit me, Ness"
"roddy we've been like this for 3 months!" i pleaded as i pulled his arm off of me backing up. "i can't do this anymore! i know you hear me crying in that damn room at night roddy i know you do!" i felt the tears start to flow. "i can't stay here if we're gonna be like this!"
"what about you! you've been hangin wit another dude behind my back" he argued.
"he's a fucking friend rodrick! that's it!" i explained. "but he treats me better then you do!"
shit.
what the fuck did i just say..
"What?" he shook his head. "them shoes on your feet, your nails, your necklace, your car, your room, the fucking roof on your head, AND your $28,000 tuition for college! ALL was from me! talking about he treats you better" he scoffed.
the worst part is..
is that he's right. i should've never said that dumb shit.
"i'm sorry" i wiped my eyes. "i just really needa talk to you about this roddy" i sighed. "if we don't.. i don't know how ima stay here"
"talk" he crossed his arms.
"come" i walked into the living room to the couch sitting on it. once he sat next to me, i just explained how i felt.
"i'm sorry" my breathing shook. "i shouldn't never aborted our baby without you knowing. there's no excuse for what i did and i understand why your mad at me" i looked down at my fingers. "but you have to understand how scared i was" i sniffled. "i was scared that i was gonna fuck up again and have a miscarriage. i ain't wanna feel like i failed you when i already feel like i failed my first baby"
it was the truth.
"after i had my baby literally taken away from me, it broke me into a million pieces. even though it was Lawrence's baby, it hurt to know that i wasn't gonna be able to watch my baby grow up. it made me feel like less of a woman and that it was all my fault. it left me silent for weeks which caused Lawrence to get upset and beat on me more" at this point, i was crying so fucking much that i'm pretty sure ima stain his couch. "fuck i'm sorry" i wiped my eyes.
"i wanted a baby" he started. "i wanted one so fucking bad. i ain't care if it was a lil me or a lil you, Vanessa" i looked up. "i get why you were scared. but you gotta understand that i would've been there every step of the way to remind you that it's not your fault about what happened a few years ago" he grabbed my hand.
"that's not what it feels like" roddy sighed pulling me onto his lap so i was straddling him since he was laying back on the couch. "if you miscarry they say it's because of the amount of stress you put on the baby and how much you did wrong" i sniffled. "it's my fault"
"stop" he laid his hands on my sides. "it ain't your fault that your ex beat you. i would've been stressed too" i wiped my eyes. "we would've been good ass parents, Vanessa. there ain't no reason for you to feel like less of a woman for sum you ain't do" he lifted my chin. "you hear me?"
"i'm trying to, Roddy. i'm really trying to" he wiped my tears. "i'm so fucking sorry for letting you down"
"ion even wanna hear it anymore" he shook his head sitting up as he wrapped his arms around my waist.
"you have no idea how much i needed this" i cried in the crook of his neck as i wrapped my arms around his neck hugging him back.
"let it out, Ness. just don't leave" he rubbed my back.
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this was a lil filler chapter sorry it's short 😅..
