Finding myself

Chapter 82

Blaze POV

I woke up with a start. It was that damn dream again-of me hitting Zara. 

The blood that drew a clean line on the grass from the impact. The sound of her jaw breaking. And the red line that dripped down her chin. Zara had looked at me in horror.

This wasn't the worst pain I had delivered to her but as the physical manifestation of it. And it haunted me every day.

How could I get her to forgive me? When I couldn't begin to forgive myself?  What am I going to do?

I was trying to set a trend. That true love can also happen out of mateship. That we weren't shackled to each other. It had annoyed me to no end when she tried to get along with me. And that she tried to take Jem away from me. Who I had believed to be my true love at the time.

I rubbed my face. My shirt clung to me thanks to all the sweat.

I have made such a mess of things. Until a few days ago, Jem would be laying beside me. And she will probably wake up with a start when I jolted up. She would try and placate me.

Now even the thought of that. The thought of that future I had envisioned for myself was dizzying. It was crazy how much things had changed in a short span of time.

It is 5 am in the morning. I don't get much sleep nowadays anyways. It's a good time to go for a run.

I wonder if she is awake too. I could pass by her room to see if she was still awake. She did turn in early with Zarine the previous night.

How I envied that kid. I hated how much attention and care she gave him. I thought I would lose it when she hugged him.

What would I do if it was with a lover? What if that kid was a potential mate? maybe he is too young now but feelings could develop over time. I wanted to beat myself for ever thinking that putting them in the same room was a good idea.

Letting her go was not an option.

Of course, she didn't know any of those happened as I was watching from the mansion. Even her hearing couldn't pick up my heartbeat from that far.

After I dressed for a morning jog, I paced by her room to pick up on any sounds- that is, if she were up and about. Xavier excitedly wagged his tail the whole time I passed by her room.

It was unusually quiet, too quiet. Knowing my mate, she was up earlier than me and started her workout. I did notice the dumbbells she borrowed from Jason for quick workouts. Or to avoid the gym and me altogether.

That thought was a bitter one.

I cursed the day I promised myself I would give her some space. I sighed trudging away from the room.

One day Zara, you will come to me willingly.

In the meanwhile, I shall get some exercise done before having to deal with pack business.

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I concluded all my morning routines and settled in the office. It was 7 am. I still had an hour to work before going down for breakfast and meeting up with the rest of the gang there. Although Zara wouldn't appreciate it.

Doesn't matter she would have to spend most part of the day with me anyways. I had changed all my classes to the same ones as hers, mostly. So she would be stuck with me whether she wanted to or not.

Plus I had made Jake arrange a date for us at one of the fanciest restaurants around. Girls like that sort of thing. I have an inkling of suspicious as to whether Zara would like it though. Still, at least she will know I was serious about her. This also helped to clear things with Jake, to heavily discourage him from going after something that belongs to me.