21. Stage two

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Today marks the beginning of Stage Two, also known as the mental stage and affectionately known as absolute Hell.

In order to succeed in this stage of training you need to have absolute control over your mind, your thoughts and your fears. You are required to be cool, collected and in full possession of your mental faculties.

In other words, I'm screwed.

I used to be the definition of the three Cs: cool, calm, collected.
Now, this has turned into confused, collapsing and completely stressed.

I know I should move on from the death of my aunt and uncle, but it seems impossible to shut all these emotions down; lock their memories and the pain that comes with losing them in a remote and inaccessible part of my brain. This is especially hard to do when guilt and suspicion are a constant thorn piercing my mind. My thoughts keep drifting to Callum and an ominous feeling seems to hover above me, like a dark cloud bound to bring a thunderstorm.

Apart from all this mess, I now have to deal with Eric and whatever is going on between us. It seems that we naturally gravitated towards each other but definitely not in a love-at-first-sight kind of way. He's rude and aggressive and incredibly cocky. It was inevitable that we would clash immediately.

But then he takes me up to the roof, we eat pizza, laugh and just talk. Then, during training we fight in perfect sync, as if our roles and titles are erased. These are the times where Eric's cruel leader persona starts to shatter, allowing me to take a look at the real man underneath the mask.

And let's not forget about last night. Dear God, that night was confusing. Trust me when I say, I don't blush easily and when I do, it usually doesn't show much. But just one look from Eric this morning made my face heat up so much that I was sure it lit up the entirety of the Pit.

We had been so close that night; only a few inches away from sharing the same breath. It was intoxicating and it messed with my head. Before that night, I hadn't thought of Eric as anything but a sarcastic pain in the ass and the occasional joking partner. We don't like each other like that, in fact we had just agreed to tolerate eachother.

It's all very confusing and this is the worst possible time for something like this to happen.

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~

Restless leg syndrome, also known as the truest form of torture.
How can you upgrade the syndrome? Add two very squeaky chairs to the mix.

That's right, I was sitting between Chloe and Sean, waiting for our names to be called to enter the room where stage two takes place. Both Chloe and Sean were evidently stressed because their legs were bouncing furiously and, weirdly, in unison. Unfortunately, the squeaky chairs they were sitting on, were driving me insane, to the point were I contemplated just volunteering to be next in line.

So far, whatever is lurking behind that door doesn't seem too pleasant. The initiates that have exited the room up until now look like they've lost a part of their soul; pale, trembling, terrified.

"Iris, you're up" Eric's voice cuts through the partial silence in the room (the only sound was the furious leg bouncing).

With a pat on the back from both Chloe and Sean, I stand up and walk towards Eric and that mysterious room. Based on everyone's reaction so far, I'm betting it's a torture chamber. I wouldn't put it past Eric.

When I walk into the room, I'm instantly hit by a strong wave of deja vu; the space looks exactly like the one where we took our Aptitude test. A single chair in the middle of the room along with a computer and some other unidentifiable machines.

Once I'm sat in the chair, I see Eric prepare an injection.

"This is a serum that allows us to stimulate your fear landscape. You'll go through your fears one by one. You only move on to the next one if you conquer the one at hand. The key is to slow down your breathing as much as possible and work through the simulation" Eric begins to drone on, his focus is solely on the injection and then the computer. I doubt he has even looked at me once since I've stepped inside this room.

"Don't worry, for your first time the simulation will be relatively mild. You'll only face a few of your fears, even though most people have around 10 to 12" he says. Even though he tells me not to worry, I can't help but notice the lack of emotion in his tone. It's as if he's talking to a wall. He seems entirely confined in his own head.

"How many do you have?" I ask, partly out of habit to continue the conversation and partly because I genuinely want to know more about him.

His head snaps in my direction and for a second I think he's going to either yell at me or completely ignore me. His eyes are intense when they meet mine and curiosity flickers in them.

"Five" he replies curtly. "They used to be nine. As you get more practice in your fear landscape, you get rid of a few fears."

I nod, too nervous to say anything else.

My eyes are glued to the wall across from me, my mind racing. I almost jump at the light touch near my shoulder and look to my left to see Eric, closer than before. His fingers have gently pushed my hair away from my neck so that he can inject me with the serum. Even though his skin is not cold, it sent shivers throughout my entire body. Lately, his touch seems to have that effect on me.

A slight pain in my neck and Eric's bright, blue eyes is the last thing I remember before everything turns dark.

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