Tudor Rose

iv. the color of royalty

June 1, 1511

I boldly decided to wear purple, the color signifying royalty. I pretended not to hear the sly whispers as I passed by people, or their stares. I passed by them, seemingly unbothered, when in reality their gazes penetrated my skin. I could sense their icy gazes from a good distance away.

I turned the corner, my violet skirt trailing behind me. Chloe appeared in front of me, a bit startled. Her golden locks of hair were pulled back tightly, and a tight smile was apparent on her gentle face. She nearly toppled over but was able to catch herself before she fell

"Anna?" Chloe asked, almost horrified. "My gosh, Anna, what are you wearing?" She gasped, her hand clasped over her mouth in shock. "Are you engaged?" she asked, lowering her voice to a whisper

"No, not yet. I think I like him, though, and I could be happy. If he asks, I'll say yes."

"People have been talking..." she started, sounding genuinely concerned.

"I know. Let them," I interrupted.

"The rumors will reach the king, Anna!"

"Chloe, I'm going to see him right now. I'll be alright. You don't need to worry, not about me."

I quickly said goodbye and continued walking through the palace, my first day here playing back vividly in my mind. From the carriage ride to initially meeting the king, it had been chaotic and unlike anything I'd ever done before. I'd become so much mature in only a matter of days. When I entered Hampton Court Palace, I was an unrealistic, naive girl. Now, I felt bolder, smarter and stronger. I wanted so badly to make my family proud. I finally had the perfect opportunity to not only please them, but find happiness myself.

"Lady Anna Holbrook of Dover," the page said as I entered the room.

The king was sitting, reading a book near a window. When he looked up, his eyes widened. He seemed happy to see me. Slowly, he sat his book down and walked over to me, the echo of a smile on his tired face.

"Purple," he said, alluding to my gown, "That's bold."

"I want to talk about the future," I blurted, "Do you truly care for me?"

Henry's response was swift and just as I expected. "Of course I care about you," he gushed, "I admire you, Anna. I love you."

It felt like time froze. It was the first time either of us had used the word. I knew I wasn't ready to, but what other choice did I have? I wasn't even sure what I was feeling with the king. Was it admiration? Opportunity? Love? Either way, I couldn't deny him the answer he expected. Surviving at court had been just like a card game, and I'd been improving at both. 

"I feel the same way, Your Majesty," I replied half-heartedly.

"Then marry me. The people want a queen, and I can't think of anyone who would make a better one than you." He seemed wholly sincere, like he truly meant every word. I couldn't help but smile at it.

For a moment, I hesitated. When I first left for court, I wanted nothing to do with the Tudor dynasty. But now that I had settled in a bit, it was much less daunting and scary. Perhaps, I thought, I really could be happy at Hampton Palace. Perhaps Hampton was where I was meant to be all along.

I'd made up my mind. My answer was decided.

"Yes," I said warmly, "Yes, I'll marry you."

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June 2, 1511

The announcement came quicker than I liked. I would have enjoyed staying quietly blissful and content for a bit longer, but that was a luxury I suddenly couldn't afford. I had reasons that I wanted to keep the engagement to myself for a bit. I knew that once everyone knew, they'd begin talking and gossiping. They'd begin speaking of my family's past, and mine. They'd begin speaking of my looks. I already knew that other women at court called me plain and unremarkable when they thought nobody was listening. 

I invited my family to court to attend the wedding, which preparations were beginning for. Everything seemed to be moving so fast and it felt like I was caught up in the excitement and anticipation of it all. I started to doubt myself and my decision. Was this the beginning of the end? Or was it a happy beginning- a new chapter for me?

"Only time will tell," I whispered to myself.

"What was that?" someone asked.

I snapped out of my daze, returning to reality, even if I didn't really want to. The servant who had spoken looked at me, patiently awaiting an order. I laughed nervously instead.

"Oh, nothing," I said, smiling politely, "I was just talking to myself."

I felt trapped in my thoughts. Anything I said was being documented, repeated, or both. Henry became even busier because of the engagement, leaving me alone in a palace full of people. Even Chloe was suddenly busy preparing for the royal wedding.

Suddenly, I was realizing why I didn't want to be the queen in the first place. It was too much, and it was happening too fast. 

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At the end of the day, I collapsed onto my warm, soft bed. I wrapped myself in the warm blankets, and listened to the consistent pattering of the light rain outside. The consistency of the droplets was comforting. Everything in my life was changing so quickly, but the raindrops made the same echoing sound over and over again, no matter what. I dozed off, eagerly welcoming the peaceful and serene sleep.

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published august 31, 2020