Chapter 50: Seeking

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When Lucy was about three years old, she got sick.

Really sick.

I missed two weeks of school to help Mom take care of her, just waiting for her to stop fevering. I was 11, but I remember that I was old enough to know we had to take Lucy to the hospital. She couldn't keep anything down, and she cried herself asleep and cried herself awake and cried, cried, cried. We couldn't take her to the hospital, of course; so I prayed. This was back when I believed that there must be a moon goddess.

"I promise," I had told Lucy, feverish and sobbing, in the middle of the night, "I promise that I will take care of you. I promise you won't die."

And, even then, it felt like I was lying. Like I was breaking the promise. But, even then, I was very used to it.

-

The tears started again.

I clutch a blanket around my shoulders, trying to stop the shivering that racks my frame. It flows behind me as I race down the stairs, flanked by the guards. The tears make it hard to see, and I can't make them stop.

I try not to feel like a widow.

Goddess, I'm so cold. I wish that I were still in bed, stealing Lucy's warmth. I wish that it were just another nightmare.

Lucy was so exhausted by the past three days that she didn't even stir when I flung myself out of bed. I'm grateful for this. She's never seen me cry like this, before.

"My brother," I tell one of the guards rushing down the hall with me, "Jonah. I need him, please."

"He's already on the way down to the front drive," he replies seamlessly. I nod and wipe the new tears from my cheeks. More fall.

Silently, we continue down the stairs. My legs ache and burn, but I hardly feel it. It's all just numb.

I'm surprised to see two figures in the driveway instead of one.

"Mom?" I say, unsure.

I was surprised when she even came with us. Ever since Dad escaped, she's been improving, piece by piece, becoming a bit more sure of herself, but she refused to go to the Introduction and she's basically been keeping herself under quarantine. I had even been worried, at first, to bring her along, because I really don't think Lucy could handle it well if she saw Mom have a mental breakdown.

When we get close enough, Mom wordlessly wraps her arms around me. I'm startled into silence. The tears pool at her neck, where her mark used to be.

I feel so - small. So young and alone. Alone.

"Mom. I need," I cry into her shoulder, "I need you two to stay with Lucy. I need you to be there for her."

"Of course," Mom says softly. "Of course. I'll be with Lucy the whole time."

She sounds steady. I nod, pulling away to look at my little brother.

"Lucy won't get a second of peace," Jonah promises.

I pause, emotions roiling through my body.

"Thank you," I whisper, pulling my blanket tighter around me.

Then I'm in a car and we're breaking traffic laws to get me to the airport.

When my phone first rings, I expect it to be Nokomis. Instead, it's Lucy.

"Where are you?" she asks frantically the second I pick up, "I woke up and you were just gone - "

"Lucy," I say, trying desperately to still the tremor in my voice, "something's happened to Orion. I'm so - I'm so sorry, but I have to go."

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