Sovereign (Silenced Part 2)

Part 29.

            I could feel Silas enter the room even before I could see or scent him. The scenting was new. Another side effect of a proper marking according to Matthew. Just like the advanced healing. After only a day of meetings my shoulder and other injuries were practically nonexistent. It was almost more advanced than when I'd had my wolf to help and all because of the mark Silas had given me.

 My fingers absentmindedly traced over the sensitive scar on my neck. Unlike the marks I'd received before this one didn't ache or cause pain. It was simply there. A constant reminder that I belonged to Silas. The notion of belonging to anyone had always felt stifling but somehow this was different. Somehow I knew that being Silas's didn't mean that I couldn't also be my own person.

Silas's hand replaced my own to cover the mark. The gesture caused a rush of tingles to flood down from his fingers and slam into my stomach. My breath caught and I had to give myself a miniature lecture to focus before I could breath again.

"Does it hurt?" Silas asked quietly.

I shook my head and my shoulders shook just a fraction with the hint of a laugh. That feeling was definitely not pain. 

Silas leaned forward enough to peer down at my face. He raised an eye brow and traced over the mark again. Another wave of tingles rushed through me. This time I was able to breath through it but Silas didn't miss the shudder that rushed over me.

Silas mouth quirked up in a faint smirk. His fingers brushed the hair away from my neck and then he lowered his mouth to the mark. I knew even as my head dropped back with a silent moan that his gentle kiss was mostly innocent. It wasn't meant to lead to anything more despite my bodies fiery assumptions. He ran his fingers through the rest of my hair and waited for me to regain brain function and motor skills. Once my body relaxed he took a seat next to me on the bed.

"Are you ready to talk?" He asked.

My stomach dropped along with my gaze. I focused on the carpet and tried to ignore the sick feeling as I nodded. I wasn't ready but if he was then I could at least pretend. I knew there was one thing I needed to get out of the way before he could try to shift the conversation anywhere else.

'I don't want you to apologize for marking me.' I signed. 'Or for leaving..." I added.

"But I need to. Marking you against your consent is something I never..." Silas broke off abruptly. I glanced up through my lashes to see he was pinching the bridge of his nose.

"The mark is not complete. It will fade in a few years if you don't want this. I just couldn't let you die. Not again." He said after a deep breath.

I reached up and grasped his wrist. I hoped that he would understand it was meant as a reminder. I needed him to look at me or I wouldn't be able to speak. I didn't feel well enough to open the mind link this soon after being medicated even if there was a decent chance it would work.

Silas did understand. He lowered his hand and opened his eyes. The devastation, fear, and shame that shone in the depths of forest green was enough to make my chest ache. My eyes burned with a sudden tears. Fear rushed through me and my hands faltered over the question I forced myself to ask.

'You don't want me?'

"No!" Silas gasped. One of his hands caught both of mine and the other grasped the back of my neck. "No. I told you, don't ever think for a second that I don't want you. You are everything to me. You always have been."

'So why say that? Why even offer it?' I signed after pulling my hands away.

"Because I need you to know that this choice is still yours. I took a piece of it away from you and I am so sorry for that. I would understand if it's not something you can forgive. I know I can't." Silas explained. I knew he was referring to the marks that had been forced on me before. It wasn't the same by any means and I needed him to know that.