The Bad Boys' Soft Boys' Lonely Hearts Club - The Full Package

The QB Bad Boy Is My BFF?!

If we are talking about the worst possible matchup ever, it would definitely be between a Jock-type bad-boy and a New Kid-type bad-boy. 

No matter what happens, it's a lose-lose. If the Jock manages to take down the New Kid, it paints the New Kid in a sympathetic light, since he now looks vulnerable, while also reinforcing the Jock as an unbelievable dickwad, and thus, the primary antagonist. 

If the New Kid wins, it would mean war against the status quo, and would paint him in a badass that can only be redeemed by a TAG/B with a heart of gold, and sugar, spice, and everything nice. The Jock also becomes an antagonist, because a loser Jock is worse than a dickwad Jock, because surely his papa is the chief of the town's biggest company and can make your life miserable. 

Nobody wins either way, besides the New Kid getting his burger spat on by an employee that surely owes their life to the Jock's dad, and now you look like an outcast and have to eat at Burger King like some kind of pariah with the weirdos and people high enough to mistake Burger King from Wendy's after their third bong rip of "Gorilla Mind-Fuck" their dealer had in surplus because it kept getting people into the emergency room.

All I'm saying is that I was about to fuck both of our lives, and I'll have to fill myself with whatever the hell an Impossible Whopper is. Again. 

As we walk in silence in the hallway, free to breathe from the for-sure assault of mysterious girls/boys with mysterious pasts — which are way worse than TAG/B in every sense of the word — I see Hayden turning every once in a while to see if I'm still following. Which begs the question, why am I still following?

The answer is, Laila and Billiam. As soon as we left detention, I could feel their eyes on my back. Curiosity got the better of them as soon as two bad boys got within slapping distance. Because let's face it: is it really a bad boy fight if a TAG/B doesn't witness it?

In any other case, the Jock would cherish having witnesses. They feed off that shit, be it on the sports field, or in the field of life. They're kinda like fairies, meaning that if people don't believe in them, they get all impotent and stuff, and they become some middle management in a local insurance company. Which is why it picked my curiosity. Why is he running away from them? 

Wait, why are we running? 

Without any prompt, as soon as we crossed the corner in front of the gym, he grabs my hand and starts running like his one-year bonus depended on it. All I'm saying is that insurance companies are full of ex-jocks that still held their high school years like the best they have.

God, I envy them. I wish I could be an insurance salesman. Those are the opposite of bad boys. Nothing sexy about flash-flood insurance. 

But back to the matter at hand, which is currently his hand on mine. He isn't the captain of the football team for nothing — he can run like the best of them. I can barely see Laila and Billiam far behind us, trying to catch up. 

As soon as we take a corner by the cafeteria, he uses his big, beefy, meaty, wagyu-quality biceps to push me inside the cafeteria. 

And that's the last thing I see before everything fades to black, thus, ending my first day of school by filling the Bad-Boy Bingo card. As for why I am still monologuing when I'm unconscious, I can't say. I guess the part of the brain that monologues isn't that important. Or maybe I'm just schizoid. Or is it schizophrenic? I'll Google it when I become conscious.

Lucky for me, it seems that I don't spend too much time in monologue bingo, as I wake up soon after, laying against the wall, with the premium Kobe beef hand of Hayden over my mouth. 

"Shhh," he says, or onomatopoeia'ses. Onomatopeiai? I'll have a lot of things to Google once this is over. "They're outside."

Sure enough, I hear a pair of annoying footsteps run behind the cafeteria door, only to fade away shortly after. I guess they went away, or the rapture happened. Either way, we are in the clear.