#2 Jean receives advice from Dalton

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I can't breathe. I feel like something heavy is pressed against my chest restricting my lungs from taking in enough air. "You're not going to film it?" my dad asks me placing his hand on my shoulder. I didn't see him come near me. I didn't see anything. When I turn around I see that everyone has congregated around Roger. He feeds the first slice of the cake to Kara amidst the crowd's cheer. That doesn't help. I open my mouth trying to get more air and move my chest forward and backward. It's no use. It's not my body that forgot to breathe but my mind.

  When everyone dissipates with cake slices I anxiously move through the crowd like a mother looking for her lost child in a mall. As soon as I see Dalton, I grab his hand and drag him upstairs. "Hey, I don't mind if you want to have sex but can we do it after we eat?" he says. I probably would've laughed at it in another world that no longer exists. I try the first door my eyes lay on. It opens. I push him into the room first, then I get in myself and lock the door behind me. He sees my face and worriedly asks, "What happened? Are you okay? You look pale." I feel pale. I hurry my breathing so I could have enough oxygen in my body to summon the energy to say Dalton this: "He's my mate." And now I believe Dalton has stopped breathing. I let him take his time. "Are you sure?" he asks. I'm angry. I'm sure. I'm fucking sure. He sees my scorning eyes. "Shit," he says. "That's messed up. What are you going to do?" he asks. "What can I do?" Nothing is in my hands. "He's going to reject me and I'm going to walk around in pain every day over the loss of something that was not even mine to begin with." My hands tremble. Dalton holds them steady. "You're going to be okay. I'll be with you through it all. We got this." For a brief moment I believe him, but it's only brief because we next hear my reality knock on the door. "Dalton," Roger says outside the door. I pull my hair and shake my head. I can't see Roger. I can't.

  "Open the door," Roger says. Dalton looks at me. I'll kill you, I mouth the words to Dalton. "What do you want Roger? I'm kinda busy here," Dalton says. "I know she's with you. I need to talk to her." Roger says. I squeeze Dalton's arms and continue to shake my head like a child rejecting her least favorite veggies on the dining table. On top of it all, I wish Roger would stop talking altogether. His voice tugs at my heartstrings and I know it'll haunt me forever. Ask him to leave, I mouth again to Dalton. Dalton's in a dilemma, between me and his best friend. I pray he picks me. "Roger, she needs a little time now. You can talk to her later," he says. "Either you open the door or I break it open," Roger says. And that pulls Dalton away from me. "It'll be fine," Dalton whispers to me as he approaches the door. "No! don't!" I say but the door is open. Feeling completely drained of energy, I sit down on the chair nearby. For someone who said he'll help me through it all, Dalton sure left me hanging soon enough. Roger says to his friend, "Give us a second." I look wide-eyed at Dalton. No. He can't possibly leave me. He leaves me.

  Roger closes the door and turns to me. "Jean," he says. I cover my ears and shut my eyes. I wish I hadn't heard my name on his lips. Roger hesitates but continues. "I'm sorry," he says. I can still hear him.

  I nod.

  "You know I love her."

  I nod.

  "I can't accept our bond."

  I nod.

  "I'm really sorry. I wish it wasn't you."

  I nod again.

  "Can you at least look at me?" he asks.

  I shake my head.

  "I can't leave you like this," he says.

  "I'll be fine," I tell him still keeping my eyes closed and ears covered. "I understand. And I'm sorry, too. Don't think too much about it."

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