Love Doesn't Exist || H.S

chapter twenty-eight

Emily

Harry's snapped his head up with a glare and locked eyes with me. His facial expression instantly softened and even from across the room I could see his eyes flash hurt. But he had no right to feel hurt.

I stayed standing in the doorway of the filled and loud dressing room. Harry's eyes didn't leave mine and mine didn't leave his. 

I had no idea what to do. The only thing I did know, was that I needed to talk to him. But it definitely wasn't going to be in this room in front of all these people.

"I fucked up" Harry blurted out as he jolted from his seat and stood up. The room immediately went quiet and all eyes turned to him. This is not what I want. I don't want all the attention on me. I quickly made to turn around before anyone would realise he was talking to me. "Don't go" Harry's voice broke and found myself turning back around just as fast. 

All heads turned to the doorway in sync and everyone stepped back so their was a clear path between me and Harry. I could feel everyone's eyes flickering between us like when watching a tennis game. The room was dead silent now and even the hair dryer had been turned off.

"I'm an idiot. I'm a fucking idiot. I thought that kissing you was wrong. And I thought that going out would fix everything. But really I was too dumb to realise that nothing needed fixing" Harry choked out.

Everyone's head's continued to turn from Harry to me, waiting for one of us to speak again.

"Nothing needed fixing because I had everything I needed already. But now... now I don't. And I hate myself for what I did. I hate myself so fucking much. And as soon as I let you leave, I can't even describe how much I hated myself. And yet I didn't stop you. But I wanted to Emily. I just... I just didn't because I'm the worlds biggest dick" A lump formed in my throat at Harry's words and I didn't trust myself to speak right now.

"Say something god dammit" Harry yelled. Some people in the room flinched at the sudden change in voice and I wanted more then anything for them all to go. "Yell at me. Scream at me. Tell me how much you hate me. Please just say something" He wasn't yelling anymore and instead his voice broke again. A tear escaped from his eye and it took all my will power to not run forward and wipe it away.

"I can't" I croaked out. I didn't even know if Harry could hear from where he was. 

"Why not?" Harry's voice was just as quiet as mine now. I could still feel everyone's eyes flickering back and forth between the two of us and still no one had the decency to leave.

"I would never be able to hate you. Yes you're an idiot. Yes you're the worlds biggest dick. And I hate what you did and I hate the way it made me feel, but I can't hate you" The room stayed quiet, including Harry. He seemed to be the one unable to say anything now. 

"But why?" Harry's quiet voice was desperate for answers and I knew he didn't understand. But as I looked at him across the room, I finally did understand everything. I hated seeing him so hurt. I hated seeing him this upset. I hated seeing that he hated himself. I hated it because-

"I lo-"

"We need the boys backstage now" My words were cut off by the sound of a voice behind me. I turned around to see someone wearing all black. His eyes were flickering over the silent and dead still room. He looked confused and shocked because of the quietness in the room and guilty because he knew he'd interrupted something.

I turned back around to see the room finally had movement again. Everyone was either awkwardly shuffling around the filled room, trying to make it look like they were doing something, or filing out. And Everyone seemed to have been oblivious to what I was going to say.

I stood rooted to the spot as Harry pushed his way through everyone until he was standing right in front of me. 

"I'm sorry. For everything. I never-"

"Harry we're gonna need you back stage. We've only got three minutes" It was the same man from before.

"I'll be there soon" Harry responded, not bothering to look up. I heard the man behind us let out a frustrated sigh. "I never should have gone out" Harry continued. "I should have stayed instead of running off. I just..." He paused on his words as his eyes flickered back and forth between mine. "I'm just-"

"Come on Harry, we're waiting" I glanced behind me at the guy only to have Harry place his hand on my hips and gain my attention again. His hands weren't even on the bare of my skin and yet I could still feel goosebumps forming under his hands and butterflies erupting inside me. I grabbed his hands and brought them down from my hips. I didn't want to feel like this right now. I let his hands go, making them fall to his sides whilst he looked defeated.

"Harry you need to go-"

"Come back to mine after" He said it so quietly that I don't know if I'd imagined it or not. I glanced down at my ring, keeping my eyes on it as I twisted it around. 

"Two more min-"

"Just wait!" Harry yelled frustratedly. I could feel his eyes leave mine for a split second before returning again.

"I..." I didn't know what to say. I wanted to work this out with him but I was didn't know if going back to his would be the best idea.

"Please" His voice was still at a whisper but I could clearly hear the desperation in his voice. I looked up from my hands to see his attention was still on me and no where else. His green eyes continued to flicker between my own.

"We'll talk about it after the show. You need to get going" I whispered. Harry looked defeated and another tear rolled down his cheek. Harry glanced back up to the guy who seemed to have had enough of waiting because he gestured for Harry to hurry up. He glanced back down at me and pulled out a wrist band from his pocket.

"It's for backstage if you want to watch" Harry choked out, placing it in my hands before walking away.

I turned around as he walked past me. He gave me one last glance, only slightly stopping and only giving me one chance to say something.

"Good luck" I whispered before he turned the corner with tears still streaming down his cheeks.

Alright so I'm gonna use this chapter as a little Q&A space. If you have any questions, feel free to comment and I won't hesitate to answer :)

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