Just This Much

12: Moon

Ki-Ryeong woke up with his heart pounding inside his chest. His eyes immediately widened as he looked around and found himself lying down the familiar bed inside his room in Haneul's penthouse.

Was it all just a dream?

With labored breaths, he hurriedly sat up, feeling nauseous for a moment. Once he found his footing, he stepped out his bed and almost ran out.

It was just a dream right? No, it was a hideous nightmare.

"Kio?"

He just came out of his room, and was about to walk down the hallway towards the living room, when Hei-won's voice sounded from behind.

He quickly whirled around, "Hei..."

Hei-won frowned, "what's up with you? And why are you here? You need to rest some more! You've been out for five days."

He walked towards the older guy and tightly gripped his arm, shocking the latter. " I need to see Lilac. I'm going out. Can I borrow your phone? I can't find mine. I need to call her and see if she's okay."

Hei-won sighed and closed his eyes. His shoulders slowly fell, and as he looked back the desperate boy in front of him, his eyes reflected sympathy. Kio saw the expression and absentmindedly let go of him. He looked away and swallowed. All the hope he was just feeling seconds ago gradually disappeared.

"You collapsed after being soaked in the rain that day for too long, you almost got hypothermia. You were brought to the hospital but due to security concerns, you were transferred here after three days."

"So she's really..." his voice cracked, "gone."

It was Hei-won's turn to hold onto him and pull him into a hug. Kio closed his eyes and buried his face on his brother's shoulder.

When will you learn Ki-Ryeong? When will you?

"You should at least eat to gain back your strength. You were unconscious for so long because of fatigue," Hei-won carefully released him after a short while.

Yohan prepared a light meal for him. He ate in the dining room with the two lingering around. It's past noon and the others already had lunch. As he was about to finish his meal, the other two entered as well.

"How are you feeling?," Haneul asked after sitting beside the leader, right across him. The remaining pair are behind, standing. He knew it was time to talk.

How is he feeling? He felt... hollow. There is something missing. And there's this urge to just shut down. Sometimes, being heartless is the only way. So should he? Should he just not feel at all? So everything will stop and he won't have to suffer anymore?

"I don't feel anything at all," he finally uttered, looking straight into Yohan's eyes.

The guy slowly nodded, "that's good."

No one was able to speak for a short while, and when Kio can't take it anymore, he decided to break the silence himself; "Just tell me," he muttered.

"What you did caused an uproar among the media and the fans," Haneul started with no hesitation.

Ki-Ryeong subconsciously stared at the silver watch cinched around Yohan's wrist. It was the last thing his eyes caught and they just stopped there. He listened to Haneul's voice but there was also the faint ticking sounds invading his senses. The watch seems to be mocking him.

Time. Fate. Reality.

It feels like all of them ganged up on him, and their main goal is to break him apart. They already did. He's broken beyond repair. There was nothing left in him. And that was the reason why unlike in the past, he felt no guilt for that debacle he did and for the headache he caused.