Crossing Lines

Chapter 23 - Hayden

What the fuck do you do if you want to take it slow, but in order to do that you have to throw yourself into the goddamn lion's den?

Because saying those words felt just like that, for sure. I know I'm in dangerous territory here. Pushing her again, although I know it might drive her away from me if I'm not careful enough.

I see the storm of emotions running through her mind when she looks at me, insecurity and a hint of panic suddenly written on her face. "I..." She takes a deep but shaky breath. "I can't."

And that makes me hate myself even more for putting myself out there. I mean, of course she couldn't just leave it all behind to follow me. "Okay." I don't think I've ever felt this disappointed in my life, honestly.

"No, Hayden, I actually can't. I have...I have an appointment I have to go to next week. It's not one I can reschedule."

"What kind of appointment?"

"It's...I..." She sighs, and it's so obvious her mind is working on overdrive now. She seems flustered and upset.

"I'm sorry. You don't need to tell me. It's...I want to know everything about you. But I'll do it at your pace," I reassure her. I'll give her all the time she needs if it means I even get the slightest chance to keep her in my life. Because I'm sick of denying how much I want her by now.

"I know. It's just... I'm afraid."

"Afraid of what?" I take her hand in my own as I sit up, giving both of us more room to breathe.

"Of you thinking differently about me after I tell you everything."

I'm glad I'm finally getting somewhere, at least. This has been on my mind for so long, I'll be sucking up every shred of information she's willing to offer. "I promise I won't think differently about you." I give her hand a gentle squeeze. "But I get that you're cautious. Why don't you tell me whatever you're comfortable with, and we'll see what happens with the rest, alright? I won't judge. Promise."

I know she's afraid; I can see the fear in her eyes, and I feel her shaky fingers as she wraps them tightly around my own. "My father...he's in jail. For something he didn't do. And his restricted visitation rights made it a nightmare to even get the chance to see him. I've been lucky to get this appointment."

If there's one thing I didn't expect to hear, it's this. "Shit, Mila...I'm so sorry." My words don't seem to reach her, though; she averts our gaze to study her hands like I don't even exist anymore, like she needs to hide from me. "Mila, look at me." She only budges as I tap up her chin, and when her eyes meet mine after a long second, she looks so goddamn scared that I feel my heart break for her. "I'm not thinking differently of you. At all. If anything, I'm glad you told me. What happened to your father is just cruel and shows how much this country needs to change." I cut her a break by not asking further; she frankly already looks like she's about to lose it, and I don't want to force her to open up to me. "I totally understand why you need to be there. We will figure this out," I add.

She hides her face in the crook of my neck as she whispers, "Thank you."

I wrap my arms around her in response, her scent invading the atmosphere around us with every deep breath she takes to calm herself. I suddenly realize this woman is much more multifaceted than I expected. There are so many things about her that intrigue the hell out of me, and I don't know how to get to them if I'm so far away from her.

The rest of the evening seemingly flies by, both of us caught up in our own thoughts as we watch the sunset. Even though I absolutely do not want this night to end, we did cross a lot of lines today.

I feel her shiver in my arms, and she scoots even closer to me. "Are you cold?"

"A bit, maybe." Mila sighs, knowing as well as I do that this means tonight is coming to an end. "I don't want to go home yet," she admits, and my heart soars from her words. She seems like the kind of person who chooses her words carefully, and when she's as direct as she is right now, I can be sure she means what she says.