Snap Happy (A Daniel Ricciardo story)

19. Unless I'm Very Much Mistaken...

EMILY

It probably would have made more sense to go straight from Germany to Hungary considering the races were only days apart, but thinking about what had just happened (and my lack of clean clothes) it was probably a good job that I'd decided to return home for a couple of days in between.

Standing in the airport terminal realising my phone was out of battery and my parents were out of town I was starting to reconsider. From the one remaining payphone in the place I called the only other number I could still remember off by heart.

"Jamie...it's me" he didn't need to ask who 'me' was. "I need help"

A couple of hours later I was outside the terminal as the Subaru drew up in front of me. I felt myself tense up as he pulled me in for a hug, before relenting and relaxing into the embrace, our bodies recognising the feel of each other like tired feet and favourite slippers. There was a reassuring familiarity about hugging Jamie which transcended even the last few months of separation. He was safe, comfortable, and I knew every inch of his body almost as well as I did my own.

"Your place or mine?"

I searched his eyes for any signs that he was joking, not wanting to admit how tempting it was to say 'yours, and screw the consequences' - just by making me feel wanted he suddenly seemed more attractive than ever . Instead I said nothing and followed my luggage into the car.

"How's Daniel?" he asked as we drove, so quietly that I almost missed it.

"He's fine I think"

"You think?" Damn! I should have known he wouldn't let that one go.

"Yeah - haven't really spoken to him in a couple of weeks"

"Oh...I thought maybe there was something...?"

"There isn't. I made a fool out of myself"

"I'm sorry" his hand strayed onto my thigh as I stared out of the window "have you eaten today? I'll make you some dinner" he added as I shook my head.

It was his place.

***

Sensing the sunlight on my closed eyelids I nestled back into soft warm skin. I didn't know you could feel temperature in dreams.

"Morning"

I opened my eyes.

'Y'know" he began, smoothing my hair out across the pillow "when the season is over and you've got this F1 thing out of your system you could always come back, get a normal job and we could start again..."

"Get it out of my system?"

I spun round and stared at him in shock as the words sunk in to my sleep-addled brain, "This isn't a phase J - it's my job now, my life....and I'm HAPPY" I stopped suddenly, realising for the first time exactly how true this was. Despite the situation with Daniel, I finally knew what it was to wake up in the morning and look forward to the day ahead, and the next. "I don't have to simply survive each day any more - I'm actually enjoying living them, and I'm not going back to a shop counter for anyone, not now I've tasted this, not even for you"

I paused for breath and looked guiltily up at the ceiling, counting the swirls to try and calm myself down. I had been taken by surprise by a rare moment of extreme clarity but at least now I knew for sure exactly what I wanted, and what I didn't want.

"Maybe it was you I needed to get out of my system" I told him quietly. "Thanks for coming to get me, and...I'm sorry, I really am...I can get myself home from here"

I dressed, picked up my things and didn't look back. This time I knew it was final...again...but without the original heartache and tears - this time I was leaving with a guilty conscience, but a clear head.