JJBA x Reader One-Shots

MILF - Okuyasu x Reader

Warnings: This isn't really a warning, just a disclaimer that this is a crack-fic written bc my friend and I were talking about this idea and I simply had to make it for the meme. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT take this seriously. Unless you're into this sort of thing idk I'm not here to judge.

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"Oi, Josuke," Okuyasu shouted into the phone, "I used [ZA HANDO] to erase this MILF's husband. Ain't that wacky?"

"You did WHAT?" Josuke screamed into the other end of the phone. Sure, he knew his friend wasn't particularly bright, but he never thought he would be dumb enough to commit outright murder.

"Did you not hear me? I said..." Okuyasu began again before Josuke cut him off.

Josuke sighed in his house, rubbing his temples to soothe the headache that was beginning to form. How could Okuyasu be so careless? What on Earth had led him to do such a thing?

"Where are you? I'm on my way," Josuke said hurriedly, rushing to the front door to put on his shoes.

"I'm right outside of Tonio's restaurant," Okuyasu replied.

"Stay right there," Josuke responded. He hung up the phone and rushed out the door, hoping there was something he could do to fix this god awful situation.

10 minutes later, Josuke arrived at Trattoria Trussardi to find a jittery Okuyasu waiting out front. Josuke jogged up to him, ready to scold his friend.

Immediately, Okuyasu shouted, "Oi Josuke, what took you so long?"

"I came as fast as I could," Josuke explained, panting heavily in an attempt to catch his breath.

"Well, you took forever, and it's starting to get suspicious that the guy hasn't gone back inside from his smoke break yet," Okuyasu explained, jabbing a thumb over his shoulder to gesture towards the door.

Josuke started at him blankly for a moment before he shouted, "He was never gonna go back inside, Okuyasu! You erased him from existence!"

Okuyasu blinked a few times before his face erupted in an embarrassed blush. Josuke facepalmed as Okuyasu scratched the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Well, is there any way I could heal him?" Josuke asked after a moment.

"I don't think so. It was a pretty clean swipe," Okuyasu explained, mimicking the way his stand scrapes things away from existence.

Josuke groaned in frustration and Okuyasu shifted nervously. He was always self-conscious about his subpar intellect, but this big goof really took the grand prize for stupidity. The two boys' thoughts were interrupted by the jingling of the bell when the door of Tonio's restaurant opened a few feet away.

"Excuse me," you said, "have you seen my husband? He stepped outside for a smoke a few minutes ago, but I'm getting kind of worried."

Both of the boys stared at you blankly. They turned their heads, locked eyes with one another, then looked back at you. In perfect unison, the boys chimed, "Nope!"

"Oh, well, thanks anyway," you said awkwardly. You disappeared back into the restaurant, hoping your husband would turn up on his own.

As soon as you were gone, Josuke turned to Okuyasu and glared. Okuyasu hardly cared, though, as the fresh sound of your voice was still ringing in his ears.

"Snap out of it," Josuke commanded, snapping his fingers in front of Okuyasu's face.

Okuyasu shook his head and apologized. The two boys sighed, unsure of what to do now. Josuke tapped his chin with his index finger while Okuyasu rubbed his forehead. They were at a total loss.