eight

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the winter breeze blows, as you take a step on the balcony's stoned floor. hiding both of your hands in each of your coat's pockets, you exhale.

after your noisy dinner, others did the dishes, others were playing around. you offered earlier to wash the dishes when jungkook prohibited you from doing so. he said that you should have some rest.

yet you decided to stay here on the balcony; outside where all you can hear is the cold breeze, and the city below. reminiscing about those days when your dad would always scold you for loving the cold.

"you could get sick." the words your beloved dad would say every time.

you exhale again, letting out the heavy feeling inside. you miss your dad so much, of how he would always make you laugh. how he would lift you towards the blue sky, where the dreamy clouds were floating and all you would do was to smile, as your mother would prepare snacks.

mother huh? the word makes you want to hold a knife. it always makes you angry, making the rage inside fire up. they said a mother knows the best for their child, but they were wrong.

mothers make your life miserable.

you turn around when you hear someone opens the balcony's sliding door.

"hey." yoongi joins you, standing in the right beside you.

"want some?" he offers you a familiar thing covered in a rolling paper.

since the beginning, you hated the scent of cigarettes. it has an awful smell you don't want to inhale. it damages your lungs, it destroys your life.

but you don't care tonight. the thing in front of you was tempting, and you want to try it.

you accept it, and it was already fired. you close your eyes as you can feel your throat burning, the dangerous smoke enters your soul. exhaling smokes join the winter night.

"feels good, isn't it?" the browned-haired man asks.

you nod in agreement.

"that's what i do when i feel heavy." he exhales the smoke, smelling the scent of a rebel.

you ask, "do you ever felt loneliness?"

he replies, "i did, everyone does feel loneliness. it was that moment when i lost everything, i messed up. i wanted to give up, i wanted to rest. i wanted to be in peace. i wanted to be happy. i wanted to be loved."

your attention focuses on the man, all ears are on him.

"i was like in the dark corner waiting for someone to provide me light. i loved the dark, the thought of me dying makes me feel relieved. not until he opened the doors for me. he cried in front of my sight, saying he's sorry 99 times. he thought it's his fault that i've suffered so much. he stopped me from doing sins, he stopped me from dying which made me furious."

"what did you do?"

"i shouted at him, asked him why did he stop me, why did he cry, why he's sorry, why did he look so pitiful, why can't he mind his own business. he replied, saying he's my friend. the whole gang entered the room, crying also, saying they're sorry, that they don't want to lose me. i felt soft, i felt sadness, i felt like i'm loved. they hugged me, they taught me things that made me open my eyes towards the light. i thought this is it. this is the happiness i wanted. i tried to change, i tried to enjoy, appreciate, to laugh. i feel so good around them. later on, i learned how to forgive, to share, and to love myself."

"lucky you," you say, in a monotone.

"yeah, lucky me." yoongi chuckles.

"and who's he?"

"jungkook."

"and the rest?"

yoongi nods, revealing his reddish gums with his smile.

"so are you happy now?"

"honestly, we can't avoid problems but yeah, i am," he speaks, watching the city lights.

and you start to envy them more, wishing someone will save you from the darkness.

erased | jjk.Where stories live. Discover now