BAD BOY ABUSED (male pov)

#33 Overall I just miss you.

I felt him lying in the bed next to me, breathing down my neck as his hands reached down and slipped into the waistband of my power ranger pyjamas. I closed my eyes tighter pretending to be asleep in the hopes that would stop him.

"That's right little Liam, just close your eyes and enjoy it." he said in his funny accent.

"I don't like" I said in my small voice but it was too quiet for him to hear.

He was in my bed and I could feel him touching me, next to me.

My eyes flung open and I blinked in the shadows of the room, fear creeping in as I felt another human next to me in bed for the first time in seven years. I rolled to face her, calming myself with her peaceful expression and tropical scent that instantly takes away my worries. Her eyelashes fluttered delicately across her cheeks and she looked like she was having beautiful dreams because a slight smile tugged on her lips.

I watched her sleep for a little while, taking her in. She was uncomplicated and put together, the complete opposite to me and I was the broken heap, ready to drag her down. Yesterday she had seen me at my weakest point and now I needed to prove to her that I was strong, unable to be broken. I needed to show her how strong I was in order to make her forget how weak I am.

It was five thirty and dawn was peaking up above the skies horizon. I could see it from the gaps in her blinds. I pulled myself out of her bed and dressed in silence, sneaking out so I wouldn't be there when she woke up.

When I arrived back at my house I was pleased to see everyone sleeping. I grabbed a shower scrubbing away my nightmare with almost a full bottle of shower gel, until my body was red from the texture of the sponge and after all of that I still didn't feel clean enough. When I returned from my shower I checked the messages on my phone, my heart raced as soon as I spotted Olivia's name on the notification bar.

You left before I woke up. Are you okay? X

I smiled at the sweet kiss on the end of the message but my heart sank when I realized I couldn't reply. I needed to pull away from her and be a jackass so she doesn't think I'm weak and vulnerable. So she doesn't expose my secrets and have the power to use them against me. So I locked my phone and ignored her message.

I looked around my room, it was very basic because I didn't own much but the drawings on my wall kept my mind on happier things. I paint murals of moments in my life I felt truly happy like the winning moment in a soccer match, when the guys hold you high and the crowd cheers in support. Or bands I listen to because music helps me escape the torments of my life. Or my motorbike, reminding me I have an actual form of escape. But of course the motorbike is parked under the treehouse, because that's the only place I want to escape to.

I looked at the posters above my bed, admittedly they were of girls wearing not too many clothes. I hung them there when I was quite young, maybe twelve. I wanted basically naked girls above my bed in a ploy to turn away any other man that bought me or if he came back. In reality it was dumb idea that would never of worked, I know that now but I was young and naive.

I ripped them down and stared up at the blank canvas above my bed. There's only one girl I wanted see staring back at me every morning, one that makes me happier than anything else painted on these walls. Olivia.

I got the paint out of a box kept in my closet and set to work painting every memorised detail of her beautiful face. I drew her smiling so big her dimples came out, her cheeks a little blushed with shyness and her eyes so radiant and green. It instantly became my favorite mural.

***

Four days it had been since I last spoke to Olivia. Four days since she took me under her wing and let me spend the night in her arms. I had been ignoring her and avoiding her ever since but without her in my life I could feel myself unravelling and spiraling out of control.

The nightmares haunted me every night, sometimes twice a night. The fights with Jax got worse because I constantly pissed him off. The girls weren't enough to distract me, I didn't want to do anything with them and even when I tried I couldn't get my body to work because I just wanted one girl. The one I couldn't have.

Yesterday I tried fucking Kirsten, it wouldn't work and I told her she didn't do it for me in the cruelest way. I lost control afterwards and ended up causing a small fire under Principal Jenkins desk. It was mostly paper in a trashcan but the flames did travel pretty high and burnt through the mahogany, not destroying it completely but definitely singeing it to a charcoal black.

Now I was paying for it because he had called me in for 'chat' which meant he was about to throw his accusations my way even though he has no proof.

"Mr Maines, I have witness that places you in my office at the time of the fire." Jenkins said with a stern impression that I guess was meant to intimidate me but failed, epically.

"I don't know what you're talking about Sir." I said with a bored tone that made him climb higher in angriness.

"Kristen Aflec says she was with you Liam." His thick eyebrows frowned strongly in my direction and pursed his lips, looking down his nose at the scum that sad before him.

"I don't know who that is Sir." I said, equally as disinterested as before.

"Look, Liam." he lent forward on his elbows, looking into my eyes with such threat behind them. But his threatening eyes seemed kind in comparison to what I've dealt with. "If you admit it now you won't get suspended as long. So I'm going to give you one final chance to tell me who did it."

I took a deep breath and looked at him with a glacial glare.

"Maybe you should ask Zak, Sir." I said with a complete straight face and a condescending tone.

"Zak" he mouthed, thinking over my accusation, almost looking annoyed with himself for having to ask Zak in here and knowing there was nothing he could about it when Zak admitted it was him.

I needed a smoke, get rid of all judgement he placed on me and to hopefully ease some of this pent up tension I have no other way of releasing unless I punch someone. Silence filled the hallway and I was thankful for that because the way I was feeling right now meant someone would get it if they looked at me in a bad way.

I searched through my locker looking for the bag of weed I had stashed. It was dump with book piled high, sometimes I kept the drugs in between the pages of the books incase there was a random locker search I didn't know about. So I spent time shaking out the bindings of the books and then throwing them back in if nothing fell out. I kept snacks in there incase I didn't get breakfast or pack a lunch but I wasn't great at throwing away the empty wrappers so I continued digging my way through the heap. Getting more and more wound up with each second that passed.

I felt someone touch my shoulder and on instant I swung my arm around aiming for their face with my fist. Just as I was about to reach my target my arm halted mid air as I pulled back my control when I seen Olivia crouched low and preparing for impact.

"The fuck, Liv?"

Jesus, had she been anyone else I would of lost my shit. This is exactly why distance between us is a good thing, I'm such an idiot. I turned away from her and continued looking in my locker for the weed. It was the only thing that was going to calm me down right now.

"I...um...I just... are you okay?"

I let a sigh, refusing to look at her. No I'm not okay Liv. I'm spiraling out of control. I set fire to the principal's desk and now my best friend was taking the blame. I can't fuck any girls because my dick only wants you. My mom doesn't give a shit about me but her pimp loves to beat me every day, every night. I want to be with you but I'm too messed up. I think Jordans stole the drugs out my locker. I have nightmares anytime I fall asleep. And overall I just miss you.

"Leave me alone Liv."

"Liam I -"

"No Liv. I kissed you once, now you're infatuated. Accept it's never going to happen so just leave me alone." The words left my lips, directed at her but in reality I was speaking to myself. "finally" I muttered as I found the small bag trapped right at back of locker.

I walked out, leaving her standing in the doorway thinking over my harsh words.