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For some fucked up reason, knowing that Jace and I are on good terms is the only way I'm able to be downstairs where the party is going on, surrounded by alcohol and drunk teenagers who I envy.

I'm learning to accept that I have feelings for him that never went away and may never go away, so I'm not as hard on myself for feeling that way. Instead, I turn it into a positive thing. It's helping me get through this... but it's still kinda pathetic.

"Hey," Brooke says, standing in front of me, shifting nervously.

"Hey, Brooke. How you been?"

She sits down on the couch beside me, a little more relaxed. "I'm good. What about you? You've been kind of AWOL."

"I'm... better." Just been suffering with heartbreak from more than one guy and hiding in my house 'cause I'm scared if I go outside I'll be murdered by one of Johnny's friends.

"We've been worried about you. Max said you're having a hard time."

I know Max hasn't spoken to Wesley since everything happened, so I hope he's not found out about my suffering. I don't want him to know that he upset me; then he wins.

"I'm here... if you ever want to talk or anything."

"Thank you, Brooke, that means a lot. I'm sorry I haven't made much effort." I actually do feel bad. I just always isolate myself from people when I don't feel good.

"No, don't worry. I get it. We really do need to hang out more though," she smiles. "I've missed you."

"Awww," I tease, "I've missed you too." I lean in and give her a hug while we laugh.

"I'm gonna go get another drink, do you want-" she cuts herself off as realisation sinks into her features.

"No thanks, I'm good," I smile, hiding the anxiety I feel from wondering what people have heard about my alcoholism.

She leaves just as Val and Montana come into view, Montana basically carrying Val over to the couch.

"Valentino, fucking walk you dickhead!" She complains and eventually throws him down onto the couch and huffs.

Val tries to pull himself up into a sitting position but repeatedly fails. Montana stands, seeming like she's about to walk away but decides against it and sits beside him and his head falls onto her lap. Seeing my brother in this state makes my stomach turn.

"Why's he so fucked up?" I ask, concerned.

"He took some dodgy shit off of some dodgy dude. I told him not to 'cause it's fuckin' stupid but he did it anyway."

"Yoooo," Val moans, "the trip I'm havin'... fucking crazzzzz..."

"Good for you," Montana rolls her eyes.

He lifts his hand and moves it around. "Like, bro. My hand is so in focus right now."

"Okay."

"Those people behind my hand... like, they be like... so not in focus. How do I make them be?"

"Don't care."

"Should we take him upstairs?" I ask.

"He'll just come back down and probably fall down the stairs. It's better just to stay here where I can watch him."

Despite how disgusting they both are with their drug habits, I'm glad they have each other to look out for one another. Montana's protective over Val just like I am. She's basically family.

Val's words turn into gibberish and the more he talks, the more sick I feel. I spot Brooke and a few other girls in my grade standing at the other side of the room so I walk over to them.

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