Not Even Death

We thunder down the hall, me with a very unhappy Jacen on my hip. Chopper wheels around me nearly taking out my ankle. I don't even have it in me to threaten him.

We make it to the loading bay, and everything is dark in the stillness of night before Chopper clicks on the blinding white lights. Ezra laces sweaty fingers into my free hand.

The bay doors open slowly, and I hold my breath.

If that astromech was lying or playing some sick, twisted joke... I'll dismantle him. Bolt by bolt.

But... if he's not...

The loading ramp continues to lower, and Kanan's scruffy face comes into view. Then I catch something beside him, but that can't be.

"Mama!" Jacen shrieks as the ramp finishes its cycle with a clank.

Hera.

Jacen struggles against me. He kicks and reaches out for the woman bathed in the white light of the cargo bay. I have no choice but to place the toddler on the floor before he runs, full-force, into her shin.

"Jacen!" Hera's voice shatters with the tears that streak her green cheeks.

I feel a tug on my hand, and I glance over to see Ezra's eyes shining in the bright lights as a sloppy smile appears.

"You're alive," I breathe like a sigh of release.

"And you guys are still on Jacen duty tonight," Kanan says with a wink and a smirk and an elbow to the ribs from Hera.

"Gross," I groan as Ezra makes other disgusted noises.

"But..." Ezra's voice shakes as we carefully walk towards the pilot, "Why would the Rebels tell us you were gone? I don't understand."

Hera's lips press into a thin, green line, but I can still make out the slightest tremor. "I..." her voice breaks as her eyes fixate on Jacen. "I almost was."

Of course, the toddler doesn't understand why his mother sounds so sad. Jacen reaches up with chubby fingers to pat Hera's cheeks dry, but this only makes the sporadic droplets turn into a steady stream.

I reach out a hand to touch Hera's shoulder. "This sounds like this is a conversation best had after a long shower and over something very hot."

A spark takes hold in Hera's eyes. "Caf?"

*

"Sabine?"

Warmth spreads across my back as Ezra wraps himself around me from behind.

"Babe!" I nearly dump too much sweet cream into my cup. "I'm trying to make everyone's drink before Hera and Kanan get back."

But instead of apologizing, Ezra's face simply crashes into my shoulder. I can feel spots of warm tears immediately soak through my thin nightshirt. Okay, it's actually Ezra's, but he likes how it looks on me.

"What's wrong?" I ask turning to abandon my cup of tea on the countertop. "Hera's alive! Zeb and Kallus will even be back soon. Everything is okay now."

Ezra's almost periwinkle eyes don't rise to meet mine as he speaks, "Yeah, but why do we have to keep going through all of this? Why do we keep getting split up, over and over? Are we all just cursed? Are these moments, these happy moments, just to tease us?"

At the sound of utter defeat in Ezra's voice, I pull him even closer to me. I want to hug the sad, broken pieces back together somehow, or at least show him I care.

"When we found Ahch To, all those years ago... Do you know what Hera told me?"

When Ezra pulls back, there's confusion in his eyes. "No?"

I release a sigh. "She told me that I had to be ready to face anything, and I had to be ready for that at any time. She said that when we choose to love a Jedi, we have to be willing to sacrifice just as much as they do. And she's right."

Something clouds my boyfriend's face, something cold and sad.

"But what if I don't want to?" he asks quietly. "What if I don't want to be a Jedi anymore?"

I feel myself pull back in surprise. "What? What do you mean, Ezra?"

Ezra's eyebrows scrunch and his mouth forms a line as he drops his forehead lightly to mine. I can feel his cool breath against my cheek and long eyelashes against my nose. There's so much tension in Ezra's posture.

How hard has he been thinking about this before now? How long has this question circled him?

"When I was on Ahch To," Ezra starts, "a force ghost appeared to me. He said that the Jedi are coming to an end soon..." His eyes look up to mine, "and I think he meant me."

I open my mouth, but I'm speechless.

Ezra cups my face so lightly in his palm. "I saved my home, Sabine..." his voice drops, "and I nearly lost everything. I just... I just want us." Ezra pulls my waist in closer. "I feel like my time as the hero is over. It's time to focus on our future."

Nervous energy floods my stomach at the raw beauty of his words. Like falling in love all over again.

This is our time.

"Is this what you really want?" I ask, my eyes searching his.

"Is this what you want?" he counters.

He looks certain. He looks sure.

And so am I.

My only logical response is to press myself as tightly as possible for a long, slow kiss. Ezra's technique has improved over the years, and he knows every inch of my mouth. Still, he explores it like a new adventure. Ezra's hands hold me steady while they trace the long curves of my body.

I wrap my fingers in his long hair and hum with pleasure at his touch. There's nothing separating me from Ezra in this moment, and there never will be.

This is our future.

But the present is still the present.

"To quote the two of you, 'gross,'" Kanan chuckles from across the mess hall.

Ezra and I break apart abruptly. Kanan and Hera have interrupted us many times over the years, and we were always mortified when things were still new between us before we were even using labels. Now, I just roll my eyes and laugh along.

"I'm just glad some things haven't changed," says a freshly showered Hera as Jacen sleeps peacefully in her arms.

"We're all here," I add. "That will never change."

"Nothing can separate the Spectors," Kanan grins, "not even death."

Wait! This was the last chapter? I'm still shook that I completed this thing and didn't forget to post! In honor of the time we've spent together, I have an "extras" page that I will post tomorrow with a proper goodbye. So... Happy Friday, readers. I'm not crying. You are.