Chasing the nerd ✓

Chapter 47| Rachel

I see red.

Literally.

All I see is red!

I'm so mad and hurt. I grit my teeth with everything I have so I can hold back my tears. It's mostly because I am so mad at myself for actually believing he meant it when he said he loved me. I actually thought that this was just a misunderstanding and we'll get through it. But, no! He had to make me look stupid and humiliate me by talking and laughing with some random bitch he just met!

I'm so fucking stupid!

I'm done, for real this time.

Oh, who are you kidding? You're so hurt you're losing it.

A tiny voice whispers inside my head but I shake my head stubbornly. No, not hurt. Mad.

Hypocrite.

Oh, am I? Then what is he?

Incredibly patient! He had to watch you dancing ON some guy you don't even know! And he stayed right there. Fighting for you to believe him.

Yeah, well shut up!

Even my own subconscious is against me and I can't deal with this, so I just shut my mind off.

I don't even know how I made it home. Probably the stupidest thing I have ever done, driving in this mental state. But I felt that I didn't have a choice, I had to leave.

When I walk in the door I slap it hard. I'm in a mood of breaking stuff, don't judge me.

"Wow, hey! What the heck? What are you doing?" A startled, sleepy Danny steps out of the living room scratching the back of his neck.

"Not now." I growl at him and almost run to my bedroom.

"Wait, Rach! What happened?" I don't answer to him. I just slap my bedroom door as a response. Once inside my room, I'm fuming. Breathing hard as I pace up and down the floor. I get a glimpse of my pillow and with fast steps I take it and bring it to my face, screaming my lungs out in an attempt to calm down.

Once again, stupid decision.
I'm still angry as fuck and now my throat hurts as well.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Danny storms in looking irritated.

"Get out." I point my finger to the door.

"What? No! What happened? Tell me." He stares at me trying to figure out what it is that's bothering me. 

"Yeah, I appreciate the concern but I'm not in the mood for talking so get out." He seems confused and crosses his arms in front of him, not backing down. I exhale frustrated. Why can't I have a moment of peace around here?

"Bug, just.."

"Danny I'm not gonna say it again. Get the fuck out." I'm looking at him dead serious and hoping he'll get the message. I don't want to fight with my brother. But if it comes to that, I will.

"Ok, I'll go." He says and throws his hand in the air surrendering. "One last thing. FBI decided the amount of dad's bail."

My breath caught in my throat and I felt a warmth spreading through my body. Finally something good is happening.

"Great. So he'll be out?"

"More like on house arrest."

"Still, he'll be here. When is he getting out?"

He fidgets in his spot for a moment and I frown. 

"He's not, bug."

"What do you mean?"

"The amount of money they are asking is enormous. And our bank accounts are frozen. So is the company's. There is no way we can make it. I'm sorry." He says trembling and drops his head covering his eyes with his hands.

I bit my lip hard to no avail cause the tears have already spilled from my eyes and are coming down as rivers on my face. I nod my head and I collapse on the floor letting my feelings take control.

"Out!" I yell as I hear my brother coming closer to me without looking at him.

When i hear my door close I climb in my bed and lay there sobbing until there no more tears left to spill. Exhausted and mentally spent I drift off to sleep.

It was a dreadful night turning into a dreadful morning. I wake up because of my sore throat. The screaming and dehydration from all the crying didn't do me any good. And on top of that I have the worst headache ever.

I look down at myself realizing I fell asleep wearing my clothes from last night. I'm in desperate need of a shower so I can feel human again, not this cracked, destroyed shell I am right now.

The cold water was really helpful, waking up all the nerves on my body and washing out of me the last couple of days.

I removed the last of yesterday's make up and put on a pair of shorts and a top. I don't plan on leaving the house now or ever, as a matter of fact.

What I plan on doing though is finding my brother to make amends for last night. Huh! I guess I wasn't as drunk as I thought. I remember everything that happened.

I check his bedroom but he's not in there. I'm guessing he is at work and I'm ready to give up when I hear noise coming out of the library.

I make my way there with fast steps and get in unannounced.

"Hey Danny…" When i raise my sight I freeze in my spot and my heart stops. "What are you doing here?"

A/N: If that wasn't an emotional rollecoaster I don't know what is. I feel sorry for our girl here. Her whole world is coming down. And it's hurtful to watch.
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