BAD BOY ABUSED (male pov)

#49 Nobody could love you

The alarm clock rippled through my nightmares but I struggled to open my eyes because my whole body felt exhausted and lethargic. I rolled over onto my back, to stop the pressure against my ribs. I felt inflamed and sore like my body had been trampled on by a herd of elephants for hours. I heard movement from downstairs and my heart sank knowing someone was awake and I would have to deal with them this morning.

Somehow I managed to pull myself out of bed and place myself in the bathroom. I couldn't stand in the shower so I just used the shower head to clean myself whilst I let the bathtub take my weight. I needed to find the chem kid as soon as I got to school, it would take the edge off my pain and I would be able to get on with the day like normal, especially since I couldn't afford to miss soccer practice with the scout coming to my game tomorrow.

I pulled on clothes and very slowly crept downstairs using the wall to support most of my weight, I hesitated before going into the kitchen in case it was Jax.

"What's wrong with you?" mom said as she pottered around the alcohol cupboard but there wasn't a trace of concern in her tone, more like inconvenience.

"Your pimp beat me last night." I said with a straight tone that placed some blame on her. She giggled to herself. It hurt a little to hear that as her reaction. I threw some ingredients together and placed them into a little brown lunch bag.

"I have a scout coming to my game tomorrow night." I don't even know why I was telling her, I guess it's because a part of me wanted her to come. I wanted some support from her, some love, something.

"Wouldn't waste your time with that boy. It's not like you're gonna go anywhere." she said as she lit up a cigarette and puffed on the end without giving me any interest.

"I could. I'm going to get a scholarship and get out of this place, away from Jax. You could come, get help. Get away. You can't want this life, he's violent you'll be safer away from him and we can escape together, somewhere he won't find us."

She laughed, outloud, uncontrollably. Then she took a huge puff of her cigarette and blew out the smoke very slowly, leaving me waiting for an answer.

"Are you stupid boy? If I had to make a choice between you and Jax it would be him every time. He earns me money, gets me the drugs, gives me somewhere to live, what are you offering?"

"Love?" I said without a beat.

"Nobody could love you." She scoffed against the honk of Jordans car. I threw a apple into the bag and hobbled down the hallway towards the door, trying to shut my moms stinging words out of my mind.

Jordan watched me intensely as I climbed into his car with great difficulty and several mutters of pain. I felt exposed under his watchful eyes and made a mental note to fake it better once we got to school.

"Woah, what's up with you?" he said after I finally buckled up.

"I had it rough last night." I said simply as I turned my gaze towards the window and away from his face.

"Nice." He said smoothly, implying I meant something completely different to what I actually meant. I just didn't correct him.

If only.

I was quiet on the journey to school, preparing myself for fake smiles and forced walks but as soon as Jordan pulled into the parking lot I spotted her, waiting in his usual spot and I began getting nervous because I knew she was the one person who could see right through me.

"awh she waited for me." Jordan giggled.

He honked his horn and she backed up allowing him the space he needed to drive in. When the car came to a complete stop we exited and I heard Jordan speaking to her about their date but I was honestly too focused on pushing through my pain and not appearing to walk any different than normal to listen.

When I came face to face with Olivia I gave her a reassuring smile but she didn't seem convinced, instead her eyes searched my whole entire body and I felt tense, trying extremely hard to contain everything that I was feeling inside.

"Hey, you checking me out?" I said casually, in attempt to get her to stop.

I stepped closer to her, needing to reassure her and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "Liv, I'm fine." I whispered. I felt her shiver under the impact of my words and I hoped it would be enough to settle the exploration of her eyes.

"I gotta get to soccer practice, a scouts coming to my game tomorrow." I nodded to her and walked off with Jordan, trying to keep completely straight and normal as I knew she was watching me walk away.

I made a quick pit stop to Johns locker because otherwise I would never make it through soccer practice, I could barely stand.

"You got any?" I said impatiently.

"Yeah, I got a container."

"I'll take it now and give you the cash at lunch, I gotta get to soccer practice."

"No, you can have it when you pay."

"Don't be a dick John, I don't have the cash on me but I'm good for it."

"Fine. Find me in the cafeteria at lunch or you're not getting any more off me."

"I will."

I instantly swallowed down two chalky white pills and then made my way to the field, explaining to the coach that I felt a little under the weather today and the team knew to go easy on me. Once the pain meds kicked in I was able to do more, lose myself a little in the game and push my body limits far too hard, enough to probably cause more permanent damage to myself or put me in a hospital bed. But I got through and by the end of practice I took another two pills which was over the recommended dosage.

***

By the time lunch rolled around I was feeling a little less sore and I don't know if it was sitting still for a few hours in gentler lessons or if it was the effects of Johns pain meds working their magic. Staying true to my word I hunted him out in the cafeteria feeling really uncomfortable because I knew Olivia ate in the cafeteria and I told her I was fine this morning.

"Hey." I said to John, wanting to get in and get out as quick as I could.

My eyes darted to Olivia's table, where she was sitting looking at me.

"You got my money?" John said hastily.

"I always stay true to my word." I handed him the money without taking my eyes off Olivia.

I walked out the cafeteria not stopping at her table because I felt like I needed to avoid her now that she had caught me in a weak moment.

"I thought you were fine?" She called from behind me.

Jesus, she didn't even make any efforts to hush her voice.

"I am fine" I said shooting her another smile and praying she left it at there, especially since we were in the school hallway and anyone could hear us.

"Then why are you buying pain meds from the chem kid?" She said loudly with hand gestures, I'm sure this girl was trying to give me heart failure as well as everything else.

"Liv!" I screeched and paced towards her so our voice didn't have to travel as far. "Can you not freak out here? I'm just a little sore, it's nothing I can't handle." I looked at the passing students in the hall and hoped she would get the hint.

She nodded in reply and she let me walk away this time, knowing I wasn't going to elaborate more when I was at school. My friends gathered on the bleachers like usual, tucking into their lunches and laughing at some dumbass joke.

"You're giving Olivia and I a lift home today." I told Jordan.

"I wonder if she'll give me a kiss goodbye like last night."

"Why do you dick around?" I said throwing a ball of scrunched up sandwich film at him.

He laughed and muttered the words 'date night' without actually making a sound. I rolled my eyes, not rising to his wind up. Or at least trying not to.