Is This Happiness

24

A hand brushing the side of my face wakes me from a deep sleep. Grabbing onto the hand. My small hand feels the familiar large.

His face is imprinted into my brain. Opening my eyes now wide awake. I look over my shoulder to see that I was right.

I was sprawled out in the middle of the bed while he sits on the edge. His guest of the night took a toll on me. It didn't take long for me to fall asleep. The tears in my eyes became heavier by the second.

With a dreamless sleep, I still woke up to a nightmare. He stares down at my hand holding his. I gradually pull my hand away.

"You have small hands." He states the obvious, probably expecting me to smart mouth him.

The room was pitch dark, with only the skyline creating a slight glow around his head. I could see his long eyelash flutter against his cheeks.

"You're not going to speak?" He asks, softly.
The words that were about to spew from my mouth were childish, but necessary.

"You have a guest, won't she be lonely without you there?" My voice wasn't particularly loud, I whispered. Feeling his hand on my shoulder. I throw it off of me again.

"You are my guest." I turn away from him to look out of the window. Rain drops were now falling, hiding my view of the lights. Hearing his words, I don't scoff as it edged my lips.

"No." Biting the inside of my cheek. I love to sit up against the headboard. Moving further away from him as I do.

"Look at me."

"What if I don't want to? What if I'm tired, what time is it anyway?" He doesn't say a word, listening to me ramble my way out of avoiding his words.

"What the hell.." He traced his thumb over my lips. Shutting me up completely. I look up at him in shock.

"That got your attention." Cocky asshole.

"You're so beautiful." He speaks once again. I wanted to shove my fist in his face. I would feel bad for hurting him.

"Don't." A wave of sadness hit me, wishing the matress would grow teeth and eat me. He grabs my hand from the bed and brings it to his mouth.

I squeeze my eyes tightly shut when I feel a kiss placed on the center of my hand.

"Where is she?" My wavering voice asks him. There was no point of hiding my jealousy.

"She is unimportant."

"Thats not what I asked." I pull away from him all together wanting nowhere near him. If she was unimportant she wouldn't have showed.

"It's what you were implying." Is he five.

"I'm not jealous." He smirks, looking away from me.

"No?" His Italian peeks in his words.

"You said I will never see you again, so it wouldn't matter if I was or wasn't. But i'm not."
Swallowing back how I truly felt. I didn't want to do this with him. But I couldn't help it.

"Yes."

"Well where are you going!" He looks taken back by my outburst. Staring back into my eyes, I feel tears rush down my cheeks when I pause. "I'm tired of you living in my head."

I knew that the way I felt was wrong. Wrong knowing he would never feel the same. It was dangerous to feel such feelings for a mobster.

He wasn't in my eyes. Was that good or bad?

I'm tired of convincing myself to think i'm better off without him. It was all a lie. It's not like I wanted to feel this way.

I didn't want to.

He doesn't say a word staring me dead in the eyes. We were face to face.

I could feel his breath hit my face, and the tip of his nose trail mine. I have expected him to look down at my lips but his gaze never left my eyes

"Can you please go?" My tone wasn't rude, it was soft. I didn't want to anger him. I don't think I could even talker louder.

He was nothing close to predictable. If I yelled in his face id be in a body bag.

"Do you even care." I ask, my voice breaking with my last words.

"I'm sorry." I blink a few times trying to register in my head what he had just said.

"Why?" I shake my head feelings a finger lift my chin.

"It's never my intention hurt you."

"Thought you do, Stefano."

"I won't ever again."

"Please don't say that."

"Why."

"You're leaving me." I muttered under my lips. My eyes started to burn from the tears, so I shut them tightly. "Baby I have no choice."

My brows furrowed as I held my agony down. A noise was burning to be let out of my throat, but I had to control myself.

"For how long." I try again in hopes of him being clearer with his words to me. He pulls both strands of hair to the side of my face.

"Look at me." I do as he says seeing no empathy as always. "What?"

"You don't want this life.. it's in your head."

"I don't want it Stefano, I want you!" The words slip from my mouth before I could catch myself. My eyes widened scared at what I had just admitted.

"This is my life, if you wanted me badly enough you would want everything that comes with me." His voice was soft to me, aching my heart.

His hands were now placed on either side of my head. Staring deeply into my eyes. I knew his next words weren't what I wanted to hear.

"You're too young.." I shake my head, before feeling him grip my chin in place.

"You will have a long and happy life." I open my mouth to stop his hurtful words. Looking anywhere but at him.

"Listen to me baby." Don't say that. I look up at him painfully.

"This is lust what you're feeling. Nothing more than that. You don't belong.." He speaks.

"In this world. I understand that. And you don't even know how I feel." My tone harsh, but not above a whisper. Whipping a tear that's fallen down my cheek. My head falls onto his forehead.

"I don't want you to forget about me." He whispers a simple no. His resting don face was no longer. Eye furrowed, I sense hurt. It couldn't be, he was the one sending me away.

"No." He repeats.

...

                                    VOTE!!

Will she actually accept that he's leaving her though? Let's be realistic... it's Carmen. LMFAO