11: Perpetual Exhaustion

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Violet

I woke up to my alarm blasting it's awful noise, the regular sound it always sung when it wanted me to awaken for my 8am shift.

I reached across my bed where I usually kept my phone, I had work in about an hour from now. I couldn't miss it and I certainly couldn't be late for the scheduled surgeries today. My hands landed on something soft. I wondered if I had gotten a dog recently, my mind hazy from the few hours of sleep I had gotten.

This was the life of a surgeon, perpetual exhaustion.

I rubbed my eyes, shutting the alarm and tossing my phone beside me, wondering when I had gotten a body pillow, a pretty expensive one by the looks of it.

I yawned in the dark room, the only light entering came from my partially shut blinds. I wrapped my arms around it, warm and cozy and my mind flashed immediately back to last night. I leaned my head against the dog/body-pillow, recognizing a smell, but my groggy mind couldn't put a finger on it. Dogs didn't smell like cologne as far as I knew.

Was Tony here? Did we do anything? Did we cross any boundaries? We never slept over at each other's places. My heart raced as I quickly lifted the sheets to see that I was fully dressed, wearing a sweater and sweat pants. Relief washed through me. I wiped my eyes, trying to register everything in my room. It all felt so hazy yet so focused all at once.

And then it struck me.

I jumped out of bed as Aaron stirred. Aaron had visited, he must've fallen asleep. But why did he sleep next to me?

Flashbacks of last night crawled into my mind.

"Is lover boy going to be mad when he finds you asleep beside me?" Aaron had asked, I hardly recall it. I was too tired to respond.

"Violet? Are you asleep?" He had asked and I had responded with a few moans before he chuckled and picked me up.

I wondered why I was suddenly recalling last night. And then I realized, it probably had something to do with Aaron being here. His presence always gave me clarity of mind, regardless of how deep down my subconscious thoughts lay.

"Beside me," I had whispered, groaning as I reached for his sweater.

"Violet, I can't, we can't, you're engaged! What are you going to tell your fiancé?" Aaron asked, his calming voice surrounding me as I tugged on his sweater.

I don't recall the specific words I used, but somehow I knew what he had said. My responses were probably a series of groans, moans, and grunts.

"Violet, please, don't do this to me. You know I can't... I," he had said as I tugged once more and he finally sat beside me. "Violet, I can't handle it if you break my heart twice."

My eyes widened as memories of last night flooded in. I gasped loudly before slapping my hands to my mouth so I didn't wake him up.

It was seven a.m. and yet every-time I looked at Aaron, I felt like I had had a full nights sleep, well rested, complete.

I grabbed my phone from the corner of the bed, realizing it was only five in the morning and I had stupidly set my alarm three hours too early, which meant I probably slept about four hours last night.

I shut my eyes, considering going back to sleep. A twelve hour shift and then I could go home, to my mothers house, and rest.

Aaron's eyes were shut as his chest moved up and down steadily. He looked so calm, so serene, so shirtless. I turned over to face him on my bed, sitting beside him and looking at how much he'd grown up.

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