BAD BOY ABUSED (male pov)

#56 You're setting yourself up to fail Liam.

"Can I kiss you?" She whispered

Yes! I wanted to scream but my vocal chords betrayed me, instead I lay looking into her eyes feeling lost but so desperately trying to find my way. In this tender moment I wanted nothing more than to feel her soft lips against mine but my heart raced and I felt too vulnerable to have her touch me right now. I looked towards her lips, they were a little wet from the tears that had ran down her face. Normally I would be put off by this but I don't think I could ever be put off by Olivia's lips.

It's okay Liam. She's not going to hurt you, you can trust her.

I timidly nodded my head, like it was the heaviest thing in the world to move and held my breath as she moved her body closer to mine very slowly. She gently placed her hand on my cheek and hovered her lips over mine, giving me a chance to adjust to her new found delicious proximity.

In that one true moment of connection, I closed my eyes and poured everything out through my own lips. In a achingly slow, seductive moment she accepted my vulnerability and recieved my outpour of emotions. She kissed away my damaged and help repair the small cracks in my soul.

Desire took over all of the darkness and my hands went wandering up her hoodie, wanting to feel her soft warm skin against my fingertips. I gave her my everything, let her in and she accepted me. It was powerful but rendered me powerless at the same time. Her body moved beneath me, grinding against my own and I wanted nothing more than to strip her clothes off completely and feel that body squirm and shiver under my touch. The sexual sounds escaping her lips spoke directly to my bulging groin as I gently teased her skin with my delicate fingers. I felt a burning hunger for her, stronger than any hunger I've ever felt in my life. I felt her hands explore the hem of my t.shirt and I felt the darkness attempting to roll back in.

No, not now. Let me have this. It's okay Liam, it's okay.

The material of my shirt slowly started rising, allowing the coldness of the night air to hit my skin like snow storm bringing formidable danger. Mindlessly I stopped kissing her, halting my tongue in her mouth like an unwanted and unwelcome passenger. My body froze stiff beneath her as the fear clawed at my throat and the bile climbed higher in my stomach threatening to over spill. Very warily she pulled away from the kiss, breaking our contact and giving me the space I needed to recover from my damage.

In my mind I silently counted, concentrating on the numbers instead of the fear, conscious of her watching my ongoing struggle. The demons in my mind called me broken beyond repair, no matter how much I wanted her there was mental block that prevented things from going too far, one neither her or I are going to be able to break down.

"You shouldn't of done that." I panted out.

"I'm sorry. I took it too far." She said nervously chewing her lip.

But I wasn't meaning towards her reaching for my shirt, I was meaning about the kiss in general. When we kiss I lose my control and then the fear comes in to remind me how fucked up I am.

"The kiss" I clarify.

With the dark fog slowly lifting from my mind and everything becoming a little clearer I realize that I have to explain myself to her, let her know why we can't be together even though tonight we both admitted we have feelings for one another. Nerves started pricking up in the pit of my stomach and I could help but rub the back of my neck.

"Liv... what I said, it was all true. But it doesn't mean anything can happen between us. I'm not made for relationships, I've already hurt you once. I just freaked out when we kissed. I can handle physical pain but I don't think I can handle emotional pain. I'm just broken."