Until You're Mine

Chapter 8

The third frantic knock on the door, forces me to pull the covers away from myself and get out of bed. I pull open the front door, one hand still rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

I expect to see Hayden, who Abi has kindly let crash at her place instead of on my sofa, but that's not who I get.

"I'm so sorry for this!" Tammy exclaims, rocking Cassie in her arms. "But Liv said that you were off today and Clare called us all in, and even though I'm on maternity leave, I'm expected to go in." She sighs. "And I was hoping you could take Cassie for a little while?"

I glance from Tammy, to the mumbling baby, and then switch my eyes back to Tammy. "Of course I can take her. Any idea for how long?"

"It's supposed to be a full day of meetings, so probably six. I understand if you can't do it."

"Don't be silly, a day with this cutie? Of course I can do it." I smile, ignoring the butterflies in my stomach.

"Thank you so much!" She passes Cassie to me. "I'll grab her stuff out of the car, she usually goes for a nap around twelve and three. I owe you one."

I bite my lip, after closing the door behind Tammy a few minutes later. "Getting me out of bed on my day off, huh?" I rock Cassie in my arms. "Not many people can do that."

I hear Simon shuffling upstairs and we meet at the bottom of the stairs. Simon seems to do a double take, but composes himself pretty quickly. "Who's this angel?"

I glance down at Cassie, to avoid meeting his eyes. "Tammy and Charlie's little girl, Cassie. I didn't know we'd be babysitting, she just showed up. Otherwise I would've told you."

Simon nods. "That's what they knocking was? I couldn't answer if because... you know."

"Understandable." I gulp and realise I'm still in my pyjama shorts set. "Actually, do you mind watching her while I shower real quick?"

Simon doesn't answer straight away, but after a few seconds he shrugs. "I've dealt with a bomb before I'm sure this'll be pretty simple."

I laugh. "Don't be too sure."

Simon carefully takes Cassie out of my arms and into his. I try to ignore the jolts of electricity, I feel when we touch and also how appealing he looks with a baby in his arms.

I clear my throat. "Give me ten minutes."

After my shower I change into some leggings and a white halter neck. I straightened my hair last night to switch it up and obviously because I'll be babysitting today, I go makeup free.

Cassie stays busy for the few hours leading up until noon. Both Simon and I take turns taking care of her, all the while not saying much to each other.

I plop down onto the couch as quietly as possible, to avoid waking Cassie up. Tammy brought over her portable crib, which I left it in my room, so she could have some peace.

Simon doesn't say anything, instead he keeps his attention on the television, which has one of my favourite shows playing. Only this time, my mind isn't in the space to watch it.

"I got a tattoo." My voice comes out pained, as if it is was only yesterday, because frankly it still feels like it was. "After everything."

I bite my lip after a few seconds, hoping I haven't overstepped the line. I may be able to talk about it, that doesn't mean Simon is. But I stop holding my breath when he speaks, his voice sounding similar to mine. "That makes two of us."

"I didn't mean to blindside you today, I would have told you if I'd realised."

Simon shakes his head and gives me a small, sad smile. "Don't worry, Iz. I know you would've."

I bite my lip, and try to blink back the tears. "She would've been six now, huh imagine that."

"Sophie Young Bennett, she would've been perfect." He clears his throat and I know he's fighting back tears too. "And so grown up."

As soon as one tear falls, I can't stop the rest that follow. Simon moves so that he's sitting beside me and wraps his arms around me in a comforting embrace. "We seem good with Cassie, maybe we would've done a good job."

I nod but don't say anything, not trusting my voice to sound semi normal. Simon and I haven't spoken about this before, I definitely haven't told anyone about it. I found out I was pregnant after Simon and I hooked up again, and we both stepped up, forgetting about our personal issues. When we found out we were having a girl, we were both so excited that we picked the name Sophie straight away, but we didn't want to tell anyone, we wanted to keep it between us for as long as possible.

Unfortunately we found out the hard way that life wasn't fair, and I lost the baby. We both needed space and the next time I saw Simon, was when he told me he was deploying.

Hence why this is more than a little tough for us.

When I sober up a little bit, I sit back and give him an appreciative, yet watery smile. "Did you tell anyone?"

"I was so fucked up for the first few weeks in the army. Hayden eventually pulled me to the side and told me if I didn't sort myself out, I'd get myself killed." He runs his hands over his face. "I ended up breaking down and telling him. Maybe that's why we're so close. Have you?"

I shake my head. "I didn't know who I could tell without it getting back to our families. I think the tattoo was my way of getting it out there. No one has seen that either."

"Seriously? Where is it?"

"I'll tell you, if you tell me. I mean I didn't see yours on the boat."

"I also knew I couldn't just put her initials on a noticeable place of my body without someone questioning it, so it's on my thigh."

I nod, understanding where he's coming from. "Mines a heart with her name beside it. It's pretty small, and it's under my left boob, as close to my heart as possible without it being noticed."

Simon sighs and leans up in his chair. He rests his elbows on his knees, hunching over. "It doesn't get much easier does it?"

I shake my head even though he can't see it. "Of course I was happy for them when I found out about the pregnancy and when I went to visit Cassie for the first time, but I couldn't help but be envious. Envious of what they got and we didn't, and also really sad."

"I'm sorry that you had to pretend to be fine."

I shrug. "You never told me not to tell anyone. When you left, I could've just spilled everything."

"But it felt like our business." He puts my thoughts into words. "I get that, I was so pissed at Hayden when I told him, it felt like he somehow forced me."

Cassies cries stop whatever I'm about to say. "Looks like we won't be getting much peace today."

Simon laughs. "Gives me something to do, and I can talk to Cassie without her giving me stick."

I gasp playfully. "I'm going to go double time on you from now on."

"I look forward to it."