Never Run

025 ::: Never Answer

So, here's an update :)

Enjoy! :) <3

What have I done?

I pinched the bridge of my nose in a measly attempt to ward off the forming headache deep within the synapses of my brain.

It was all such a whirlwind.

Even now as I stand in the middle of my room, the scene plays behind my eyelids, fading in and out of reality, chunks are blurred and some are muddled with a white noise that I cannot truly decipher exactly what happened.

But one thing was for certain: I said yes.

Yes.

One syllable. Three letters. And it effectively changed the dynamic between me and him.

I may not remember every single second during the interaction after he asked me that face-slapping question, but I remember what I was feeling and what I am feeling now.

Fear.

Immediately I was terrified of the repercussions had I said 'no' to him. I've told him that before and it never ended well for me. Or my family. I felt that if I had declined him of his request that I or my family would suffer at his hands and that wasn't a risk I was keen on seizing.

Everything drowned out at his inquiry - all I could feel was the sickening nausea that rolled over the hills inside my stomach. My heart slapped its feet against the pavement of my ribcage, running, beating entirely too fast. Each thump caused more beads of sweat to expel themselves out onto my flesh, mingling with the claminess that manifested itself onto my skin. Hot tears burrowed themselves in the riverbanks of my eyelids, my dry tongue sticking to the roof of my mouth as if I had just swallowed a spoonful of peanut butter.

I couldn't breathe.

The silence was thick and deafening. It closed in on my and crushed my ears, pushing me down to the ground, flattening me like roadkill. Everything was getting smaller and smaller until it was pushing him and I together.

The shake was small. Tiny, minute tremors began to take over my body, and even though I tried to hide them, I knew he could tell.

It was at that moment he took a brief step forward and I broke out of my panic induced trance. I snapped. I took my own steps backward and raised my gaze to meet his, steeling my eyes and clenching my jaw, ready for what I was about to do. At least that's what I made myself believe.

"Yes."

It wasn't as strong and solid as I wanted it to be. In fact, it was breathy, a whisper, broken, with no confidence as I swallowed back any and all tears that wanted to leap from the barriers of my lids.

He knew that I was uncomfortable. He knew that this wasn't something that I actually wanted to do. But he didn't show it.

The skin stretching smile that broke out on his face rolled nausea through my stomach once again.

I made him happy.

Before I could comprehend what was going on, he was in front of me, my hands smothered by his as he held them close to his chest. Admiration filled his eyes only for it to turn into love with a hint of lust.

Xaler's stare never wavered as he slowly brought my hands to his lips and slowly, softly, sensually, kissed my knuckles. I used every single fiber I had to fight back the shiver that wanted to shake my body.

Holding my breath, I continued to scrutinize his every move, unsure of what he would do next. One could never tell with him.

"Are you sure?" he had asked me.