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Mother used to say that God, the Christian God, is marvelous, a supernatural being capable of everything and nothing all at once. A human brain can't comprehend the benevolence and power of the God above, mother said. To be a God is to have responsibility for all the things you created and what they created in consequence; To be a God is to have a divine plan for the whole humanity. But how can such being exist with this seemingly infinite burden? Because if I was God, I'd kill myself.
"Sabine?"
I blinked the dryness off my eyes. "Yes?"
"You were out for a minute there." Sophie tilted her head. It was a Wednesday and my shift ended early.
"Out? I was just right here."
"I meant you spaced out, zoned out."
"Oh. I was just thinking of--" Seeing the tissue rack near her, I reached out to take one, when I accidentally nudged the camera lying on the table. Before I could even comprehend what happened, a thud, followed by a crack made me pause. There was no need to glance down and confirm.
My hands felt cold and slimy. I should probably get another bottle of iron supplements.
The camera. Where would I get it fixed and if it's beyond repair, how much would a brand new one cost? It shouldn't be much of a problem now since I have $100,000 in the bank now.
"--okay? Are you having a panic attack?" Sophie's voice seemed to gradually reach my ears, louder and louder until the end of the sentence. Her eyes was wide and searching with her eyebrows drawn together.
"No. Why would I when I'm not panicking."
"You are! You were literally zoning off for a minute with your hands trembling and you couldn't hear me."
"I'm not." How she could reach that conclusion was beyond me. My heart might be beating a little bit faster than normal but that's to be expected after having two shots of espresso.
"Shit. Okay." If someone was panicking, it would be her. "Sabine, listen to me."
"I am listening."
"Look." The camera came into my view as the screen glowed after Sophie pressed a button. "It's still working. The lens may be cracked a little, but I have like, dozens of extra lenses so this is nothing. I can just replace it when I get home. So it's okay."
It looked like she meant it, but facial expressions can be deceiving. Aunt layla, who I don't know if she's still alive, told me not to worry when I broke her favorite mug and that it was okay but then she did not talk to me for days following that day. I saw how her hands would clench when her eyes landed on me. "You're not angry?"
"Nope." Sophie placed down the camera on the table, sliding it to the side as she shook her head. With her hands clasped, she leaned forward with a serious look, pursed lips and all. "But since I'm sure you're feeling really guilty right now, you can give me a kiss and then we can forget about this."
