Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Faye: Empress of the Sea

Title: Empress of the Sea

Author: Navy-Knight825

Reviewer: Fayesther

Title + Cover: 5/5

Your title is great! It's eye-catching and sparked my interest at the get go! It is perfect for your story!

Your cover also grabbed my attention straight away. It is beautiful. I love the picture and the colours used. The fonts, the title and subtitle are really eye-catching and goes with the themes of your story perfectly. It is clear to read and making it look like it is submerged under the sea is a brilliant touch. There is nothing I don't like about your cover!

Description: 5/5

Your description is a good length. Gives a good amount of information, is executed brilliantly, laid out nicely and has a good hook. No qualms there.

Grammar: 3/5

I noticed some grammar issues within your story. Not many though. I commented on some as I read but here are a few I wanted to mention.

"She did not give herself time to panic or fear." – I don't think the "or fear" is needed in this sentence. It makes the paragraph it is part of a bit repetitive as "her fear" is mentioned in the sentence just before it.

I found a few sentences where you missed out words, making the sentence look unfinished. For example: "How navigate in the dark almost as well as himself?"

Edit: "How could she navigate in the dark almost as well as himself?"

Also I would like to mention that I'm not too sure if this sentence works here. It seems to contradict the next paragraph. For this sentence makes out that he is great at navigating and is surprised that the girl is capable. Then the next sentence makes out that he has to fully rely on the girl to find his way. Getting rid of this sentence would make this part of your story flow better in my opinion.

I also found some sentences that have small mistakes in that make them come across as rushed.

Example: "The he forced hits eyes closed."

Edited: "Then he forced his eyes closed."

Writing Style: 5/5

Your writing style is incredibly enjoyable to read. You set the scene wonderfully. You don't forget to describe the surroundings, including small details that truly makes your reader feel like they are right there in the action of your story.

The structure of your story is clearly well thought out. It is easy to follow and you managed to include many aspects and perspectives and tie them together beautifully. You also managed to include each character's thought processes within each part of your story which gave me a really detailed picture of the world you've created.

You tackled dark themes incredibly well. You write with a subtlety that makes the darker scenes even more chilling. Action scenes are also really well described, they are busy, exciting and perfectly detailed. They also were not over-done. You have a good balance of fast moving action and more quiet scenes.

Your dialogue is brilliant. Very authentically written. I had no problem that what your characters said was written in the exact right way that those individuals would say it. To the point where I could work out who was talking before seeing the speech tag. That's brilliant dialogue writing.

I would also like to mention that, I think the different ways you included descriptions of the characters' physical traits, they come across as really organic. For example, finding out about Aeryn's eye colour through dialogue between her and Sehyun.

Characterisation: 5/5

This story is full of well thought out characters that are expressed incredibly well. Each individual has different personality traits and are described so vividly I can see them very clearly in my mind's eye.

Aeryn is strong, independent and knows her own mind. She is not easily broken and I found her really easy to get behind.

Han/Sehyun is incredibly written. He is complex and when he is first introduced he comes across as a hero, but as his character develops he has much more to him. Now I don't know where I stand with him and I find him fascinating. His relationship with Owly was fun to read. Owly was a great comic relief character. Aeryn and Sehyun's have brilliant fiery encounters.

Erel is fascinating. I love every scene that she's in. She's beautifully dark. Beautifully mysterious and I have to say she was my favourite character.

There was no character included in your story that seemed less thought through than the rest. Prince Juele and Princess Maya hold their own too. Both were not stereotypical of their status and very different to each other and others within your story.

Characterisation in this story is phenomenal, very impressive work.

Plot: 4/5

This story is action packed and fun and it has so much packed in! Pirates, monsters, sirens, adventurers, ghost whisperers and talking animals. What an amazing ride to be on with twists and turns everywhere. I never knew where the story was going and I love that! Nothing predictable or overdone here. Just unique adventure!

I squealed with excitement when Erel was introduced. I love her. I found her so interesting.

I did find the plot dud jump a little bit between Aeryn being taken to the island by Erel and Aeryn having her own ship. It would've been nice to know what happened within this transition. At first glance I thought I had scrolled past a chapter by accident.

You have included beautiful character driven subplots that slot in perfectly within the narrative that build on the vastness of the world you have created. I loved finding out the truth about owls in this fantasy world, I also loved finding out about where sirens come from. You have incredible ideas!

Your story builds and builds, each chapter getting better and better. You use cliff-hangers incredibly well I couldn't wait to read on.

Lastly, finding out who Erel truly is was the best twist ever. That excited me! I squealed again!! I am definitely reading on! I have to know where you take the story from here, I am looking forward to updates!

OVERALL SCORE: 27/30

Overall (27/30)

I love this story! A brilliant fantasy full of a brilliant variety of ideas. Your characters are all incredibly expressed and I loved finding out more and more about them. Especially Erel!

You have some grammar errors to fix here and there but not many.

This is such an impressive story and I plan to follow it to the very end!!

Thank you so much for asking me to review this incredible story! I hope you found my feedback helpful.