Chapter 34: Mistakes

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-Amara-

I stare at the computer screen. I'm always stuck on precalculus. Senior year is kicking my ass. And it's not like having a baby helped with that.

I hear the door shut and I look up, seeing Colby's sleepy face as he walks out his room. Cain crawls over to him from his play mat.

"Good morning." I tell him. He has it good. No school. No job. Just making his cool exploring videos with Sam.

"Good morning." He says with a groggy voice. I smile and look back to the computer.

I spend another couple seconds just staring at the screen before letting out a frustrated groan.

I can hear his footsteps come behind me. "What's wrong?" He asks. Cain's hand tangles in my hair as I turn around.

"I can't get this problem. I've been stuck on it for five minutes." I frown. I get Cain from Colby's arms and sit him on my lap.

"Oh, let me see." Colby rolls my computer chair away from the desk and starts working on the problem. It still amazes me how he's great at everything he does.

He circles an answer, 73. "There you go. Let me know if you need more help." He smiles and picks Cain up again. He walks into the kitchen and continues eating his bowl of cereal. I sit stunned. He solves that in about thirty seconds, it would of took me thirty minutes if I stayed on it.

Thankfully, it was the last question for that homework so now I'm done. I get up and move to the couch, where I lay down and turn on the tv.

"I'm going to Sam's later so we can make a video." Colby tells me. I nod but stay quiet.

"Do you mind if I take Cain?" He asks quietly. My eyebrows furrow and I look at him.

"Really?" I laugh. "No I don't mind. Please." I can feel a little excitement go through my body when I realize I'll have a day to myself. I've spent the last eight months with Cain on me everyday. I'll kill to have one day to myself.

"I figured you could use it." Colby shrugs. "Plus I want to introduce him to my fans." He smiles and kisses Cain's cheek, who was still attached to his hip.

"Your fans?" My eyebrows raise as I let out a small laugh.

"Yes, my fans." He mocks me.

"Well, do what you want. But, after they know about him they're going to be asking questions. Like who's the momma, are you dating her, why are you 18 with a baby," I trail off as I switched through channels. I don't mean to scare him, but it's a big deal. Letting a million people know you have a baby is huge. Especially when you're us and aren't even together.

"Yes, I know. I'm tired of hiding. I want to post about him and brag about him. And you." He says. I look over at him as he gives Cain a spoonful of his cereal. My heart flutters when he says "you." It's silly for me to have feelings, I was just a one night stand to him. Nothing more. I was a mistake.

I look back to the tv, trying to regain focus on the show. "Alright, I'm going to go get dressed and then we'll head out." Colby puts his bowl in the sink before putting Cain back on his mat. I nod but don't look to him.

When he's gone I look down at Cain, who was slapping one of his toys. I smile at him, causing him to laugh at me. I can't describe how much I love him. The feeling of seeing his firsts, his laugh, his smile. Everything about him is perfect.

Colby walks out of his room. Now dressed is his favorite chained filled jeans and a stripped black and white shirt.

"Say bye-bye to momma." Colby picks up Cain, bringing him over to me for him to "kiss" my cheek.

"I love you." I say and kiss his balled up hand.

"Love you, Mar. We'll be back before 8." Colby says before hurrying out the door.

Now it's time for me to figure out my plans for the day. Before I could open my phone I see a name pop up. A name I didn't think I would see ever again.

John.

***

"Hey, come on in." I smile opening the door wider for him to step through.

"Hey," he takes me into a quick hug. I hesitate before wrapping my arm around him. Something just doesn't feel right.

"This is nice." He says as he walks around my living room.

I didn't want to tell him it's Colby's place. In his mind, it's me and Cain's.

"Thanks." I smile. I sit on my couch patting next to me for him to take a seat.

"So what's been happening?" He asks as he sits down.

His eyes trail down my body, I cover myself more with my blanket. He comes closer to me and a back away just a little bit.

"Nothing much, just raising my son." I laugh quietly.

"How is he?" He asks.

"Good," I smile, "he's starting to walk a little bit while holding on to furniture. It's the cutest." He chuckles.

"I'm happy you're doing good. I've missed you." His arm drapes over the back of my couch, behind my head.

"I've missed you too." I can feel my cheeks blush.

His face comes closer to mine. I don't know if I want to kiss him. I don't know if I want him in my life as anything more than a friend. I have a baby now, I can't have silly teenage relationships.

+ warning +

Before I could back away his lips touch mine, I don't close my eyes. I freeze from shock. He slips his tongue in my mouth, I give in, kissing him back. His hand travels into my blanket, pulling it up my leg, resting on my thigh.

I can feel myself become nervous. I know where he thinks it's going. I don't want to do it. Not with him. Not now.

He pushes me back on the couch. I try to leave his mouth but he pushes my head into him.

"John-" I mutter, trying to get him to stop.

"Shut up." He says, his hand pushes my shorts down. I kick, trying to get him off me.

"Stop!" I yell. He doesn't listen. Instead, he takes my shorts off me as well as my underwear. My arms grow weak from fighting him. He grabs my hands, holding them down with one of his. I look down to see him taking his shorts off. I start crying as I realize what's happening.

"Maybe this will teach you to not be a slut, huh?" He laughs. He spits on himself before holding my legs open with his knees.

"Please- please stop," I cry. I shut my eyes when I feel him at me. I didn't want to watch it.

He laughs before pushing inside of me. I cry in pain as I scream.

His hand goes to my face, pushing my head towards him. "Open your eyes." He demands. I shake my head.

I feel his hand move across my face, the burning sensation on my cheek causing me to open my eyes. I watch as he stares at me. My tears continue to fall.

"Such a tight pussy for a whore." He laughs as he speeds up.

I stop moving, I stop crying. I just let it happen. I don't want to fight anymore. I just want it to end.

I lay there for what feels like eternity, waiting for him to stop. Finally it does. And he gets up, putting his shorts on. I can hear him say something, but I'm too scared to comprehend his words.

Only the last sentence registers with me, "Tell anybody and I'll kill your son and you." Those words repeat in my head. Over and over.

I stare at the ceiling as I hear him leaves. I feel dirty, I feel like I've done something wrong, even though I know I didn't. I did everything I could to stop it. I said no.

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