Season 9 Chapter 1: Rounding Error

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Church: Hi. My name is Leonard Church. But, nobody calls me Leonard.

Fade in to an overhead of Blood Gulch

Church: Most people call me Church. Sometimes they call me Alpha, and a few people even know me as The Director. But I haven't been called that, in a really, really long time. You see, I know that when you look at me, I know I look like a super badass space warrior, but I'm really not. I'm actually a-

Tucker: Hey Church!

Church: Uh, h-gh- just uh, ignore, uh- I'm actually a computer program, that's been reincarnated in the memory of-

Tucker: Church!

Church: I'm actually a computer program-

Tucker: Hey Church!

Church: That's been reincarnated in the memory of a-

Tucker: Where the hell are you?!

Church: Okay, uh, I'm just gonna start over. Uh I'm just uh- I'll just ta- I'm just gonna go back to the beginning.

Tucker: Church!

Church: Hi.

Tucker: Church!

Church: My name is Leonard Church.

Tucker: Church!

Church: But, nobody calls me-

Hey look, Tucker's on a cliff

Tucker: Hey Church, come on!

Church: Hhhhhngh. God dammit, what!? What do you want!?

Tucker: Come on, get up here!

Church: Yeah, okay, hold on, for God's sakes I'm coming. Shut up!

Church heads over to the cliff

Church: God dammit, I can't even have one fucking moment to myself. Can't even be alone with my thoughts, not even for a second. Someone's always gotta fucking yell, or scream or, "come look at this; what's going on over here" or "hey Church, help me out, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing." Fucking assholes. God I forgot how much this place sucks.

Cut to Tucker and Caboose on the cliff

Caboose: Now when he gets up here, remember the plan.

Tucker: Plan? What plan?

Caboose: We only have one shot at this, don't let it fall apart.

Tucker: Why are you talking to me like this is supposed to make sense? Is this another one o' your idiot schemes to make Church your best friend?

Caboose: Okay shhh- remember, let me do the talking.

Tucker: Do the talking about what, idiot?

Caboose: Don't worry, I got this.

Tucker: What would I be worried about, I don't even know what you're doing.

Church arrives, kind of out of breath

Caboose: Hey Church, welcome to the cliff.

Church: Hey guys, hey guys-hhh, man, whoo!

Caboose: Okay, abort. The plan did not work.

Tucker: That was it? Okay now I actually wanna know, what was the plan? 'Cause apparently phase one was saying hi. What was next, were you gonna wave?

Caboose: Abort. Abort.

Church: Hohw... what're you guys... what do you guys want? *gasp*

Tucker: Dude, are you fucking dying? You sound like my vacuum cleaner when it picks up a penny.

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