𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐘 | 𝟏𝟖+

Chapter 8

A T H E N A

"I just wanna look good for you. Baby let me be good to you, let me show you how proud I am to be yours, leave this dress a mess on the floor"

° ° °

Guilt.

One word. With so much meaning.

Guilt comes in different sizes. I used to feel guilty when I would steal a cookie from the jar, even when mom told me I couldn't have one. I used to feel guilty when I accidently tripped someone else, even if it wasn't really my fault, I couldn't help but feel bad seeing the other one in pain, because I wasn't watching. 

I once stole a lipstick from Lucy, because she had so many she wouldn't even notice it was gone so I took it. Even till this day I feel a little guilt for doing that.

But nothing compares to the guilt I'm feeling now.

I went to Vincenzo, to tell him that this thing that happened between us, was over. But yet there I was, from the moment he took a step too close to me, I succumbed under his touch. I mean, he just has to touch my cheek, and I let him have his way with me.

I don't know what it is about him, that makes me so... weak. Everything about him is so... enticing. His smile, his eyes, his touch... even his cologne.

The way he looks at me, like he can see right through my soul is so captivating... like I want to keep looking in those dark brown orbs forever.

But I can't think of him this way. I mean, I have a boyfriend for God's sake! A good boyfriend, very good boyfriend. The best I could've ever asked for. 

He's so caring, patient and sweet. He has never done anything wrong, and for all the tiny mistakes he has made, I forgave him. Hell, I never did anything wrong. I never forgot his birthday, I always bought him the best gifts, I never treated him in the wrong way. I was a good girlfriend.

But that changed when an Italian man walked in my life, without my permission invading my thoughts and dreams. Without my permission barging in my life like that, making it a terrible mess. Touching me in places I never dared to look at, bringing me to places I didn't even know existed. His touch so soft but rough at the same time... his lips... oh, his lips.

You're getting off topic.

I sigh and close my eyes. Right after I left Vincenzo's office, I went straight home and ran to my bedroom. I crawled in my bed and cried for what felt like ages.

Right now, I'm gripping on my pillow, staring outside my window in the dark night. I can't face my parents, too ashamed of myself.

I let their friend – that they trust – touch me in the dirtiest way possible. And the sad part is, that I enjoyed it. What does it say about me, if the moment Vincenzo touches me, I forget Chris and everyone else? That I don't care about Chris and his feelings?

How selfish can I be?

How can I face him? After all that happened? I can't look at him in the eyes. I can't look in those gorgeously blue, innocent eyes. From the moment that our eyes will lock, he'll know that something's up.

Vincenzo may claim that he's the only one who can make me feel good, but I'll never love him as much as I love Chris. He'll never know the love I share with Chris. 

What I have with Chris is unique, and there's no way Vincenzo can break the bond between Chris and I. Opening my eyes, I stand up from my bed and take a look outside. It's past 9 PM. When mom called me for dinner I declined, I feel so guilty that I can't even eat.