DIVIDED- MARVEL

• THREE •

2016

Cassandra cried. She cried the whole night, most of the day, and some part of the afternoon. She cried while on the plane ride to London, she sat in the very back of the plane, curled up knees to chest, not speaking or making any sort of noise.

She sat on her bed in the hotel room, a journal in her lap, head in her hands. Somebody knocked on her door and she cleared her throat.

"Who is it?"
"Steve."
"Really 'Steve'. What's my full name?"
"You never told me!"
"Exactly and I never will, you can come in."

The door opened, and Steve walked in. He didn't say anything, just sat down in the chair beside the window. Cassandra turned back to attempting to write the speech she'd been asked to write for Peggy's funeral. Almost breaking down in tears again, she slammed the book shut. She screamed as she threw it right above Steve's head, and watched him jump.

"I can't do this. I can't do this," she whispered to herself.
"Are you ok? Cassandra?"

Curling back up into a ball again, a tear or two dropped onto her knees. She heard Steve walk towards her, and she felt the mattress dip as he sat down next to her. A hand settled on her shoulder, and she looked up.

"What's wrong?"

She shook her head. Crying because she couldn't write a speech, what was she, a fourth grader? She'd been trained to be emotionless, be blank, be numb. And even after all these years of being free, being a real person again, she couldn't help but feel like she was back at the academy. She wasn't supposed to cry, she was punished for crying. Cassandra expected Steve to take out a knife and cut her with it, or hit her, or something. Something to tell her not to cry.

But the man only sat next to her, hand on her shoulder. He wasn't hurting her, he wasn't punishing her. He wasn't doing anything. He was just sitting there.

Cassandra finally gathered the courage to open her mouth and speak after a few minutes.

"They, asked me to say a few, a few words at the funeral. But Steve, I, I can't do it."

She looked up at him, tears pooling in her eyes. He didn't say anything but pulled her closer to him in a hug. As much as she needed it, she pulled away, and swung her legs over the bed to pick up the journal and try again. Steve looked borderline offended, but shook it off as he watched her sit back down again.

"Do you want help?"

Cassandra looked down at the paper, then up at Steve, and down at the paper again. She hated having to ask for help, especially asking someone who had only seen her fail a few times, but she needed to get this done. Cassandra nodded, and sat down to face him.

"Tell me about your relationship with Peg, and I'll help you write."
"Steve, promise me, that you'll never tell any member of the team what I tell you. Promise me."
"I promise."
"Ok," she took a deep breath. "I thought of Peggy like a sister, I guess. You were already frozen, Nat, wasn't even born yet, James didn't know I existed. I had nobody," she said. "And then, she took me captive. She saved me, from those people, who they were and what they'd done. Even if I didn't know it yet. And she stuck by me for the rest of her life, and I can't thank her enough for it. She didn't hate me, when I deserved to be hated. She loved me when I shouldn't have been loved. She was like family. Now that she's gone, I feel like there's so much more I could've done to help her, I can't explain it, but I just feel guilty. Like it was my fault, even if it wasn't."
"How did you hold that all inside you for years?"
"It's easy. Is that good?"

Steve nodded, and handed Cassandra the paper. She read it over, and nodded, tears pricking her eyes. She leaned over, and wrapped her arms around him.

"Thank you Steve." 

sorry this chapter is so short.
it's been a hard few days for me, but i'm good now, and i promise the next chapter will be better!!
i love you all so much, and i'm always here for you-