Poison Ivy || Draco Malfoy

38 - Outcast

I could feel Draco's wary eyes on me as I morosely pushed the pasta around my plate.

My heart felt so heavy and wretched. I'd barely spoken two words to Draco about Harry's visit earlier that day, instead I spent the afternoon moping on the sofa whilst Draco brought me endless cups of tea, silently sitting with me, never pushing me to talk.

"You're doing the right thing, Ivy," he murmured softly, reaching over to tenderly caress the back of my hand with his fingertips. "I know it must feel... overwhelming right now, but tomorrow we'll begin to make plans for you."

"Plans?" I asked, my voice hoarse from the huge lump that had seemed to settle inside my throat.

Draco seemed to hesitate, his silver eyes flickering as if what he was about to say pained him.

"You know... finances, clothes, a wand, and-" he gave a small, awkward cough, "and a place to live."

I nodded, despite feeling like I wanted to howl in sadness. A sudden deep gnawing, pain in my stomach made me actually blanch, causing me to clutch my arms around my middle.

"Ivy?" Draco asked, his voice rife with concern as he watched me double over in my misery.

But I couldn't answer. Never had I felt a lowness quite like this. All hope had gone and the sadness consumed me, leaving me in actual physical pain.

The feeling of loss was weighing heavily down upon me; drowning me. I ached to turn back the clock and start life again; to have turned Percy down from the start and waited for Draco; the boy whom I had loved more than life itself, and who too, wanted to be with me.

But I hadn't known.

If only I had.

******

I didn't ask Draco to stay with me that night.

I wanted to though; wanted to feel his comforting embrace more than anything. But I knew I would just be making it harder for myself when we would eventually have to part.

I barely slept; my nightmares invading me the second sleep had found me, waking me up in a sweating heaving mess.

I longed for Draco's arms to comfort me, for his lips to press soothingly against my fevered brow and for his calming steady heartbeat to lull me back into a safe secure slumber.

But I had to stay strong; had to grow the strength to be without him in my life.

*****

Draco sat in the hallway, leaning his back against her door as he listened to her cry out through her tortured dreams on the other side.

He longed to go through and wrap his arms around her, to kiss her and let her know that she was safe and he was there for her.

But he couldn't, because he wasn't going to be there for her in the end. And he was fearful that if he got too close to her over the coming four weeks, then he'd only be making it worse for her when the time came for them to part.

He needed to help show her that she could be strong on her own; that she didn't need to rely solely on another to have a happy and content life.

Eventually the room behind him quietened. Happy that she had finally fallen into a peaceful sleep, Draco stood up, and quietly crossed the hallway to his own room.

*****

I was stirred awake by a gentle knocking at the door.

The strong smell of coffee hit me as soon as the door started to creak open.