Shut Up, Padfoot!

61

James

My heart is beating fast. The scent of her strawberry shampoo wafted. Cold fingertips ran down my wrist and fluffy socks against mine. Her quiet breaths filled the winter air. Low sniffles every now and then when the draft picks up in the dormitory.

Snowflakes fluttered in the window. Ice frozen on the glass, cool window pane to the touch. A white wonderland on the outskirts of the forest.

"James..." she uttered.

Butterflies struck my stomach. Her voice sent vibrations through my chest, her jaw on my collarbone. Lips on my neck, brushing my skin. Tingles erupted from the area and spread throughout my body.

"Yeah?" I responded.

Reaching around, I pulled back her hair. Her throat exposed with slight pink marks along the frame. Curls of the shorter hair flicked on the back.

I flushed at the thought. Remembering my own mouth was on her and hearing the sounds she made. The way she held my sweater and the way she whimpered my name. I could scream into my pillow with joy if I was alone right now.

"What would you name your kid? Or kids?" she asked.

Her lips ran along my jawline. Months have gone by and I can't believe I have it all. Not quite all of it, some people are missing, but it's almost everything.

To finally know how she is when she's completely and utterly in love. Never a moment when we're not touching. Almost like we couldn't get enough of each other. It's intoxicating and never tiring.

"I'm not sure. I never thought about it. Been a while since I could think straight," I replied.

No lie there. The nightmares never fully went away. And honestly, the last couple years were really hard on all of us. I had to stay on my toes and figure if one of us could die at any moment or if Cry would lose her sanity.

Yeah, there weren't any uneventful days when we met first year. Everyday was a dream. Life never felt so real, so precious, so happy. But when she started blacking out, murmuring spells in her sleep, nothing was the same.

The decline was the most tortuous. Watching her eyes grow darker and lifeless was just as hard as the night terrors. I woke up like I'd run marathons and the rest of the day was left grey and broken. When she lost her fire, the days lost color and became dull.

And it still hurts. Because I couldn't save her. I couldn't stop her death. The one person that held us together, is gone.

I try to block the memory of her death in the train station. Keep it out of sight, out of mind. I'm exhausted of pouring my pain out and sobbing into my pillow when it resurfaces. Tired of looking at her chest faltering.

Was really hard the first few months. I couldn't even get out of bed. My stomach still feels like an empty void after countless weeks going without food. Maybe it was the pain that kept it empty.. because now I could eat for hours and I'll never be full.

When it was finally time to get to school, I couldn't believe it. Time had gone by so fast. And yet, there I was- broken.

Life was meaningless to me. You'd think I would treat it like a treasure but really, I thought it was rubbish. And deep down, I still feel like that.

Morning to night, I couldn't remember it. Only can memorize the sun going up, down, the moon going up, down. Nothing else.

Then I saw her on the grass.

Terrorizing herself and falling for the tricks of the dark. I forgot I fell in love with her every time I saw her. And I saw her everyday. I forgot what it was like to feel the pit fill with whatever you want to call it.

That was when I needed to change. I couldn't stay broken. I couldn't seem it in the least. For her. She had no one. She was alone. She could hear the support, the care..but in the end, it was backless condolences.

It worked out. It worked out so goddamn well. I wouldn't believe it if you told me I would be the person I am today half a year ago.

The smiles came back. The straighter back, brighter skin. We helped each other get back on our feet. And frankly, I know Cry would be proud of us. The dumbass had a lot to say but she was a lover.

Lils always said she was loud but never dragged her name. Always put respect on it. So when she told me she was going to change her career choice to an auror, I wasn't surprised. Cry was looking forward to training to become an auror. Lily was more of a ministry office type. It's hard to put the person to the job.

"What about you? What would you name your kids, hun?" I questioned.

Man.. I love her. She's everything now. Nothing makes sense without her. Her very existence leaves traces in every aspect of my life.

Her hand between my shoulder blades, her nose running along my jaw, her fingers tugging on my hair. It's all her. Her, her, her. Her love is like downing butterbeer at 3 a.m. and hot bodies sizzling in freezing water. Striking and passionate.

There was a reason I waited.

To finally live rather than simply exist. 

"Harry.." she said.

"Harry? Is that the name?" I asked.

"Yeah. Harry," she repeated.

I chuckled, pressing a kiss to her temple. Her breaths slowed and I know she's dozing off. Intertwining our fingers, she sleepily rested them on my chest.

"I like it."

-lana
yandere James confirmed