Forever Ruined

Chapter Fifty-One

Benjamin greeted Clara with an offering of a warm beverage and a sheepish smile. "I hope you are not sleeping here because I managed to push you out of bed last night." The bunks were not the largest, barely could they fit one but still he had thought they could make due.

Drinking a sip of tea from the proffered cup, Clara tried to smile. "No, no. I felt restless and feared in moving about too much I would disturb you. So here I am."

"I know the arrangements are not... ideal but I'm certain we will figure a way around them. You were sleeping so peacefully I felt reluctant to wake you but I had promised the Captain we would join him for the morning meal."

Clara coughed and sputtered her next sip of tea. Benjamin gave her a few pats on her back fearful she might be choking. It took a few seconds for the coughing fit to ebb. She had forgotten that Benjamin said they were joining the Captain this morning. The same said Captain she spoke to last night.

"Are you alright?" Benjamin asked concerned. 

"I am well, honest," Clara reassured, clearing her throat one last time. How will she ever get up the courage to tell him of her meeting with McCullen last night? Would Benjamin be disappointed or would he be angry? She did not know and instantly regretted that they must start their day with such unrest.

"I must tell you..." Clara began.

"Yes?" Benjamin asked not caring for the look of worry that crossed Clara's features, he hoped whatever she must impart was not too dreadful.

Clara opened her mouth to speak again but there was a knock on the door interrupting her speech.

"Hold that thought, will you?" Benjamin said and rose to answer the door. He only cracked it open as Clara was still in her chemise and therefore indecent.

"The Captain requests your presence, Mr. McAllister?"

"Now? Can't it wait? I am to meet with him in just a few moments?"

The man standing on the other side of the door Clara could not see but she recognized Andrew's voice even though he lowered it. "It is about your wife, Sir. Captain McCullen said it is quite urgent."

The man whispered but Clara could still hear him. Benjamin gave her a passing glance but Clara sat sipping her tea pretending she hadn't heard a word.

"Yes, of course," Benjamin agreed.

"Clara, the Captain wishes to speak with me. I will be back to retrieve you shortly."

"I will be ready," Clara replied, although knowing she might be in a heap of trouble upon Benjamin's return.

Benjamin walked over and kissed her cheek and he left with Andrew to go topside.

Clara drank her tea and paced the room. What would Captain McCullen tell Benjamin? Would he lie or embellish the truth? She knew nothing of this man's character and it infuriated her. She hated not knowing what storm she may be sailing into. Clara realized no matter was what the outcome would be the same. Once again she will have earned Benjamin's disapproval. How could she not?

Clara picked out her best dress, but the box, which held the sari prisoner, called to her. She pulled it onto her lap and lifted the lid.

The mere sight of it made her feel bold, courageous. She needed to call upon the spirit of Claremont if only to get her through these next few moments. It was decided. The dress was packed away and the three pieces of the sari were laid lovingly upon her bunk.

The sari was worn over a tight fitted bodice and petticoat. Her midriff was exposed. She never noticed before how tone to her stomach had become from her month of work at sea. She took her time wrapping the sari in the way she had seen the women of India wearing it. Wrapped around her waist and draped over one shoulder.