D for Depression [ On Hold ]

Chapter 32: Under the rug

''Tell me about your relationship with your mom.''

''What about it?''

''Is it any better?''

The long pause after her question, probably gave away my answer.

''I see. You wanna talk about it?''

''Not really. But I guess you will make me do it.''

''I won't pressure you Daphne. We are here to discuss your problems and find solutions. Make your life a little bit easier. If this is something you don't feel comfortable to talk about, then that's okay. But I need to tell you. It won't go away, just by hiding it under the rug.''

Her words once again made sense. I mean they always do.

But that doesn't make it easier for me.

My mom has always been a touchy subject. From the very beginning of our sessions it became crystal clear we had a problematic bond.

And although I tried hard to be open and talk about my feelings, I just couldn't do it.

Every time we would bring up her name instant tears filled my eyes, reminding me of all those times I couldn't handle her disappointment. The hard look on her face when she told me she expected more from me, even if it was because I didn't choose the dress she liked or because I preferred reading a book than going outside with her.

The hint of rejection was always there.

And you can only imagine what this did to a person who only wanted to be accepted and loved...

Yep. It fucked me up.

''Is everything alright?''

The sweet tone of Katherine's voice brings me out of my thoughts and I nod my head glancing at her.

''Yeah. I just got distracted for a moment.''

''Okay. You want to tell me what happened?''

I debate for a while, the idea of bringing up our argument yesterday scares me to the core. I really don't want to relive the events of the day before, but I know I have to. It's the only way to move on.

''We had a fight.''

''What kind of?''

''One of the bad ones. You know...that happens once in a while, just to remind you how fragile is every moment you live, how everything can go to hell in an instant.''

''I see. What was the fight about?''

''Basically me, being a disappointment. Her words precisely.''

''In terms of what?''

''Everything. My role as a daughter, student, human being...''

''What triggered the fight?''

''I didn't come home the night before.''

She nods, waiting for me to continue.

''I went to a friends house after class. We had a few drinks and I passed out on her couch. She sent a text to my mom telling her I was going to spent the night there.''

''So, she knew where you were?''

''Yeah. I didn't get an answer back, but I saw the text. I know she received it.''

''Okay. Go on.''

''The next day I came home and she...'' I choke on my own words and I need a moment to collect myself.

''It's okay, take your time Daphne.''

Nodding, I take a sip from my water, swallowing the lump in my throat.