The Author Who Became A Villainess

Arc 2: Chapter 30

Alec said nothing, only staring at the frilly petals of the red carnations. Jill's mother noticed his silence and smiled.

"Are you buying these seeds for yourself?" she asked, packaging the seeds.

"For my lady's garden.." he softly answered back.

His chest felt heavy as he gripped the flowers in his hand tighter. Almost as if he was suffocating. Jill noticed his demeanor.

"Mister," she called out.

He looked at her, wondering why she was calling him. She lifted her arms up and had a cheeky smile.

"Carry me!"

"Jill!"

Alec placed the flowers down and easily picked her up in his arms. She snuggled herself in his arms before lightly tapping his cheeks with her palms. He blankly stared at her without a word. She huffed, shaking her head.

"Mister should smile more. Mother always says smiling is the best healing! See?" Jill then smiled widely at him.

"Now you do it," she said.

He did nothing at first but after her pestering him over and over, he gave in and showed a small smile. Jill stared at him before beaming.

She furiously nodded as she spoke loudly, "Mister you look very handsome!!"

The smile disappeared from his face and he nodded at her compliment, "Thank you."

"Jill come down from his arms!" Jill's mother scolded before turning to Alec, passing him a paper bag with the bag of seeds.

"Here you go. That will be 6 copper coins."

Alec handed her the money after he placed Jill back down. He checked the contents in the paper bag before looking back at Jill's mother.

"You seem to have mistakenly given me extra."

She shook her head, "It's for free so please do take it."

"..Thank you," Alec nodded, not wanting to pester her any longer.

"Bye bye mister! Do come back and see us next time!!" Jill said hugging onto his leg.

Although Alec was never really fond of children, he lightly patted her head and hummed in reply.

"I'll be sure to see you next time," he said, which made her happier.

He bowed at her mother and as he was about to leave the premises, he heard Jill's mother speak in a warm tone.

"I hope your lady will like those flowers."

Alec returned to where the carriage was and left the town. He stared at the bag of seeds inside the paper bag, remembering the meanings of the flower seeds he bought.

Secret love.

My heart aches for you.

Every time he remembered the meanings only one person came into his mind. He clenched his fists before looking away from the seeds. No. He can't. He shouldn't be thinking of her. He shouldn't be when he thinks of the flowers.

Yet, he felt that the flowers he chose was how he truly felt at this moment. Alec leaned his head against the carriage seat and closed his eyes. He couldn't tell if he was physically or mentally tired right now.

Returning back to the estate, he went back to his room in the building made for the servants. He closed his door shut and placed down the bag of seeds on the table before refreshing himself up. Once refreshed, he relaxed into his chair and blankly stared at nothing.

It was only the first day and he already didn't know what else to do for the other days to come. Alec noticed his room was slowly getting darker and the sun was setting. He got up and left his room deciding it was better to watch the sunset than sit in his room doing nothing.

He stood outside and absent-mindedly watched the sunset. Then he saw a figure laughing and looking like they were having a great time. His eyebrows creased as he continued staring at the figure.

Elenor was talking to one of her maids with a smile. Alec curled his fingers before releasing them. He felt irritated, extremely irritated. He wished she turned over to his direction where he was standing.

'Look at me.' was all he thought of as he waited for her to turn his way but it never happened.

Elenor got up and left the balcony, never once looking his way. His eyes kept lingering over at the balcony she sat at even when her figure had disappeared. A thought flashed through his mind.

Was he not needed anymore?

His heart thumped loudly in his chest. No. He was needed. He must be. After all, he was the only one who knew her real identity.

Alec tried to calm himself down but the more he tried, the darker and void his eyes became. He has to be needed. He can't be thrown away. He had to be the only one she needed. Not that prince or the other servants. Only him.

Realising his thoughts, he staggered back in shock. Dangerous thoughts filled his mind. He couldn't understand- no he didn't want to for so long. But day by day as he continued to push it away, it grew worse. To the point he once thought of killing her so all of this could stop yet he knew he could never.

She had slipped past the walls he had built up so well and long, breaking them one by one. His heart trembled every time she smiled at him. Her laugh always seemed to boost him up. Her honey coloured eyes that always gazed at him and solely on him.

Alec never wanted to accept the facts that were so obvious in front of him. He never felt this way before. He didn't know what to do so, his resolution was to distance himself from her as much as he could. Just until he could look at her without feeling some type of way. Of course it didn't work. His eyes would trail back to her even when he distracted himself.

He had to accept and come to terms with himself or else one day he might explode. And when he finally did, a weight was suddenly lifted off him. He felt lighter, almost like he could do anything.

He headed back to his room and took out the flower seeds and had a defeated smile on his face. Who knew the flower seeds he bought would make him finally come to terms with this uneasy feeling he had been having.

"Elenor.." he whispered out her name as if it was a spell. It felt so sweet as the name rolled off his tongue.

He placed the seeds back down and opened his drawer. Inside it had the handkerchief Elenor had embroidered for him. He stroked the embroidery before placing it up to his lips. He was gonna do whatever it takes to have her.

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Author's note: And that's Alec's view~! not gonna lie i kinda like how i wrote this chapter lol