I Ain't Playing [[PJM]] ✔️

Panic Attack

~3 Months Later~

Jimin

I stood in front of the mirror tightening my tie. I hadn't slept and the dark rings under my eyes made me look sick. Not even the makeup could cover it properly and I got Namjoon's girlfriend to do it for me.

I would have never thought that Namjoon and one of our makeup artists were messing around behind our backs, but she was an amazing person. She didn't take any shit and when the fans found out that Namjoon was dating, she put the haters in their place. Which is what I should have done when I first married Hana, even though we didn't want to get married.

But things had changed and now Hana wasn't standing by my side.

I quickly blinked away my tears because I didn't have time to cry right now. I had to be strong. It was what Hana would have wanted. I couldn't keep crying because I had Jihyun to look after. He was my main priority and he deserved all my love and attention.

I pulled my blazer on and scoffed at the sight of myself. I was lucky one of my black suits still fitted or I'd have nothing to wear. I wasn't going to leave my place in a suit that was too big for me. I'd be a laughing stock.

Beside me, Jihyun was staring at me and his mouth twitched as if he was going to smile at me.

My little man was 4 months old and the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. I smiled at him and leaned down to kiss his forehead.

"Jimin," Yoongi said walking into the room, "We are waiting on you. Are you ready?"

I let out a sigh, "As ready as I'll ever be,"

"It will be ok," He said, "Jihyun is with you and so are we. You can do this,"

I nodded and took one last look at myself in the mirror. Shit. If Hana saw me now she would have stuck me in a chair and cooked me a decent meal. She wouldn't have let me leave the table until I had finished everything that was sitting in front of me. Hana would have called me a walking skeleton and she would have been right. I had lost too much weight but I had no appetite. Not anymore.

"Jimin?" Yoongi said, "Stop spacing out. We need to go. We can't be late for this,"

I nodded, "Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm coming,"

I lifted the car seat from the floor and grabbed his baby bag. I then stopped because I couldn't pick my bag up as well. Shit. I never understood how women could do this! Yoongi rolled his eyes and grabbed my bag for me and ushered me out of the apartment. I quickly locked up and we rode the lift down to the bottom floor.

"Take a deep breath, Jimin," Yoongi said, "It isn't as busy as you would think outside. We have security everywhere and there are police patrols everywhere,"

"Yeah," I said, swallowing the lump in my throat. I felt sick. I hadn't felt this sick since my first ever performance and I could feel my body start to shake.

"If you have a panic attack right now, I will just have to punch you,"

"That's not the way to deal with a panic attack!" Namjoon said as we walked over to the others.

"Who is having a panic attack?" Jungkook asked.

"Jimin,"

"I'm not having a panic attack," I said, "I just feel sick. I don't think I can do this. I can't say-"

"Jimin," Namjoon said, "You've got this. We've all got this. Don't forget that you aren't alone and you-"

"Look," I said almost snapping, "If you want to practice song lyrics or even think about song lyrics, do it somewhere else. It's bad enough that I have to do this and I don't want to,"

No one said anything and I sighed in frustration.

"Let's just go to the car," I muttered, "Before I turn away and live in denial for the rest of my life,"

"Where's Hana when you need her?" Hoseok whispered thinking I couldn't hear him and I gripped the handle of Jihyun's car seat tightly.

"Hana isn't here," I muttered, "So...please stop talking about her. Just hearing her name is painful,"

"I'm sorry but we all miss her,"

"Right," Jin said, "We need to get this out in the open before we get into the back of that van. I think we all should be allowed to talk about Hana because we miss her and we love her. I get that you are hurt and you are upset but stop acting like this is the end of the world. If you snap at one more person then I am going to snap and punch you in the face. Do you want those dark circles to be black eyes?"

"No," I mumbled.

"Then stop being like this and get into that van and calm yourself down," Jin said, pointing towards the front entrance, "I am not going to act like your mother because I fucking hate being called that. I'm not your god damn mum, I'm your friend so stop with all the negativity. Why has none of you moved yet? Get moving!"

"Yes, Jin," Me and my friends said, shuffling towards the front entrance.

Taehyung helped me put my sunglasses on because I had no free hands, and we quickly got into the van before the press could swarm us. I strapped the car seat in and threw my head back, letting out a big sigh.

"Guys," I said, closing my eyes, "I'm sorry for being a dick towards you,"

"You don't need to say sorry," Namjoon said.

"Um, yeah he does," Jungkook said, "Just because he lost his wife doesn't mean he has to be a total dick towards us,"

"Jungkook!"

"No, he's right," Jimin sighed, "I lost her because I was a shit husband and I was the one who didn't save her. But I don't want to lose my band members as well,"

"At least we will come back to you," Taehyung said, "Ouch. Ok. That sounded worse than what it sounded like in my head. Let me start that again. At least...no...why won't it come out right?!"

"Just stop talking," Hoseok said, "At least we all look good...right?"

"It looks like we are going to a funeral," Yoongi muttered.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Jin said, "We are going to a funeral,"

A/N: Sad times.

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