Call Out My Name [spencer reid x reader] ✔︎

22. sign of the times

Spencer flung his arms around you, clinging to you as if you would slip away from his grasp at any given moment. His sobs were muffled against your neck, his body shaking as you wrapped your arms around him, pulling him closer to you. "I'm so fucking sorry," he choked out, turning his head to the side so that you could hear him. "I'm sorry. I'm so-"

"-Please don't apologize," you quickly whispered to him, combing your fingers through his hair as you leaned your head against his, closing your eyes.

"I didn't mean anything that I said," Spencer told you as he pulled his head away from you, swiping at his tears. "I promise. I- I just wasn't thinking clearly. I-"

"-It's okay," you spoke over him, shaking your head at him. "I know you didn't mean it."

"Wait there." You walked over to the door, peeking around the corner before closing the door behind you and locking it. You turned around to face Spencer, grabbing his hand in yours as you whispered, "Come on."

You led him over to the bed, letting him fall limp in your arms as he cried softly. You pulled your fingers through his hair, letting him cry into your shoulder as you held him, whispering small encouragements in his ear. "I treated you like fucking shit," he rasped, clinging to your arm that was around him. "I- I treated everyone like that."

"We know you didn't mean it," you told him.

"I- It's just... It's like there's this void inside my chest now," Spencer said to you. His breath hitched in his throat, digging his nails into your skin as he tried to cling to any prudent security he had left. "Like... I- I don't know how to feel. I just feel empty, a- and numb. So fucking numb. And I... I don't know what's going on. I can't think straight. My brain can't focus on anything and I just want it to stop. I want it to fucking stop and I- I don't know how."

He pulled away from you, burying his face in his hands as his shoulders raked languidly, his voice catching in his throat as he spoke. "Wh- What's wrong with me, (Y/N)?"

"Oh, baby, nothing's wrong with you," you soothingly whispered to him, tears beginning to prick your own eyes as you watched Spencer Reid completely unravel in front of you in a mess of broken sobs and turbulent notions.

"I feel like I'm losing my fucking mind," Spencer sobbed, shaking his head to himself. "One moment, I was realizing that I didn't want to spend another fucking second without you in my life, and in the next, I was being told that my dad is fucking dead and that someone's been stalking me for the past year and I... Wh- Where did I go wrong, (Y/N)? What did I do to deserve this?"

You placed your hand on his thigh as you swiped at a tear, trying to ignore the curiously that beckoned you to ask him what he meant by his words. "I would give anything for all this to go away. Anything," Spencer choked out, swiping at his tears with the sleeve of his jacket. "When does it stop? At what point does the pain decide to fucking stop?"