Thicker than Water (Marauders Era)

18 October, 1988 - Selfish

Lavinia ignored the realization she'd had on that rather depressing October afternoon for nearly a week, even though she knew it made her utterly terrible. But every time she thought she would say those words out loud, would do the right thing... She stopped herself. Because she was small and selfish and his smile meant the world to her and... And she couldn't bear to lose that. Didn't want to risk hurting him, in any way. Even though she knew, deep down, that she would probably do more damage by staying disingenuously than by leaving. But she kept ignoring that sane bit of her. And every single time she did, she told herself it was just for a little longer. Just a little longer. She just wanted him to love her a little longer.

So things proceeded as they normally did with Lavinia admittedly in a bit of a daze, stuck in her thoughts more often than not. Until one morning when she realized with an unpleasant jolt that she needed to brew Remus's potion for the upcoming full moon. She cursed herself soundly for it throughout the entire rest of the day. How she'd nearly forgotten... She didn't know And she shuddered to think what would have happened if she hadn't poked her head into Remus's room that morning to ask if he wanted coffee and seen his calender, marked as it always was with the little 'FM' on the day of the full moon.

She'd nearly sworn out loud, but had kept herself composed more out of shame than anything else. Another selfishness really, because she quite simply didn't want Remus to know she'd almost forgotten something this important. Almost let him down this badly.

The worst part, really, was when she'd checked her little stock of potions ingredients and she'd realized she was running low on aconite. This time, she most definitely had sworn out loud. Colorfully too. But she'd hurried to Diagon Alley all the same, returning to the house clutching a little paper bag and with her hair falling every which way over her face.

Hurry hurry hurry, he mind kept shouting at her. She needed to have this potion done by tonight. Before moonrise. Which was only a few hours away and... Hurry.

She dumped the paper bag on the kitchen table and pulled out her cauldron and the rest of the ingredients, not bothering to lug them to the garage and brew it there like she usually did to avoid filling the whole house with blue smoke. But right now it would just be a waste of time and she didn't have time and hurry. Hurry.

Remus watched her rather frantic preparation with a strange expression on his face that Lavinia didn't bother even trying to decipher until the potion was finished an hour and a half later and she could breathe freely again as she set a cup of it down in front of him with a very tired sigh.

"Please tell me we have leftovers we can eat for dinner tonight," she sighed, dropping down on the couch next to her friend. "I don't have the energy to cook." And she knew Remus probably wouldn't be much in the mood either because one of the more unfortunate side effects of the potion was that it made him rather nauseous. She couldn't blame him for that. The fumes alone were hardly pleasant. She couldn't imagine what actually drinking it would be like.

Indeed, as he took a sip he shuddered and grimaced and Lavinia frowned sympathetically, kicking herself again for not making it sooner. For nearly forgetting her friend because she'd been so wrapped up in her head these past few days. So selfishly concerned with the petty matters of her heart instead of the very real problems Remus faced each and every month of his life.

"I'm sorry I didn't make it sooner," Lavinia murmured, the crease in her forehead deepening as she watched her friend drink the rest of the potion. "This is shit timing." And it was. Because it was now nearing 8pm and they hadn't eaten and he wouldn't want to now but he needed to and... and she still couldn't believe she'd almost forgotten. She'd been making that potion every month for seven years now. How had she nearly forgotten?