Thicker than Water (Marauders Era)

14 July, 1989 - Smile

It was a warm but thankfully not sweltering summer's day as Lavinia stared at her closet, brushing fingers along the dusty fabric of dresses she hadn't touched in years. Actually, she didn't think she'd worn a dress since the funeral for Mr. and Mrs. Potter. It wasn't like she'd had occasion to, after all. She hadn't gone to the funeral held for James and Lily. She hadn't been able to bear it. And she'd been glad she hadn't gone when Remus had come back and told her he had recognized only a few faces out of a crowd that was too big to be composed only of friends and family. So she hadn't worn a dress then.

Maybe if she'd gone on a formal date of any sort with Ethan she'd have put one on but Ethan was about as far from formal as it was possible to be and if she'd worn a dress, she'd have felt utterly out of place next to him and his frankly massive collection of knit sweaters, all of which seemed to come from his mother. So there'd been no reason to wear anything formal during the two years they'd dated.

And once they'd broken up it had just been life as usual and there had hardly been any occasion worth the hassle of a dress.

Until now.

Laivnia sighed as she reached forward and pulled out a simple black dress, fingering the hem of one of the half sleeves as she considered it. It wasn't like it really mattered what she wore anyway. Actually, she suspected that Bertie would have told her to wear a color because black felt... stuffy. Lifeless. And Bertie was always telling her to open her arms wide and let the life in instead of tucking it away like some precious commodity. So maybe she should wear something bright, something colorful and lively. Something Bertie would like.

But as she scanned the closet, everything felt... wrong. All the colors in her closet were wrong. Jewel tones and pastels were wrong. Too bright and too vibrant or else too soft, too calm. So black it would be. Because black... black felt right.

And at least this one had shorter sleeves. She rather thought Bertie would be proud of her for that alone because he had been the one to nearly constantly tell her that her scars were nothing that needed to be hidden. So she wouldn't hide them today.

Sighing again, Lavinia laid the dress on the edge of her bed before closing the doors to the closet, sealing away all those bright formal clothes for the next time she needed them, even as she thought she would probably never touch most of them again. Part of her certainly hoped she wouldn't, anyway since at least half of them came with memories she preferred not to dredge up.

For now, however, Lavinia simply picked up her wand and took a moment to siphon the layer of dust off of the black dress she had selected before putting it on. Looking at herself in the mirror a few minutes later, she wrinkled her nose slightly. Not that it wasn't a good, simple dress and appropriate for the occasion, but... well. She had forgotten how it felt to be stuffed into something so formal. And... and seeing herself in it now, she realized just how many things had changed.

For one thing, even after so much time, she'd often gone out of her way to avoid anything that abred her wrists. And this... this did nothing to hide them at all. But, she reminded herself again, Bertie would have liked that. Would have liked that she was being brave. Would have liked to know that she had conquered if not all then most of that shame.

For another thing, she'd put on weight since she'd last worn this outfit or any like it so she'd had to let the waist out. This was a good thing, she knew, even if a piece of her had cringed at it. But... but she knew, in the rational, sane part of her, that this was a victory. Her thin frame had always been the product of what she knew were unhealthy eating habits and she had filled out rather nicely. Her face looked healthier, less boney. Her figure was fuller, her waist wider and her whole body... healthier. She looked so much healthier.