Chad De Guzman is a 17-year-old Filipino guy living in the Philippines with his mother. He's the captain of a volleyball team in his school, and is a traveler. Though he's funny, quirky, go-with-the-flow guy, he's pretty emotional when it comes to h...
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The next day, Isaiah has gone off to school without me. Bill says Isaiah needed to be in the school as early as possible, as he has something to get done. He doesn't elaborate further, but I call that bullshit. He's avoiding me, and I know it. Mom has bought CheezWhiz, a cheese spread that I've grown to love as I grew up. She forgot to buy pancit cantons, but she said she'd go back to buy some. I eat a couple of breads, and head out.
Since I have a lot of time before I even reach the school, I call my best friend Max through Messenger as I walk. It rings for a couple of seconds before he answers. From the looks of it, Max is already at his and his brother's room. I've been there countless of times, and right now I'd trade anything to be there.
"What's up, homie?" Max attempts to be a lit kid. I shake my head. "Hindi bagay? Chaka? Okay, kalimutan na natin yon." He laughs. "Ang pangit ng mukha mo. Ayusin mo nga." He laughs again.
I roll my eyes at my friend. "Kailangan ko ng tulong mo."
"Ano namang tulong kailangan mo?" he asks me as he fixes his bangs that are becoming a nuisance to his sight. Then he looks at me in realization. "Wait, tangina, tungkol ba to dun sa sinabi mo sakin about sa binigyan mo ng tsikinini?" I nod my head. "Putangina." He covers his mouth.
"Palagi ko syang iniisip,"
"Wait, wait, wait." Max says as he raises a finger. He stands up and I hear the door being closed. He comes back with an excited look on his face. This time, I'm wondering if this is a good idea. "Alin yung palagi mong iniisip? Yung tao o yung nangyari?"
"Sa tingin ko pareaho," I tell my best friend honestly with a sad tone. Isaiah has been constantly haunting my head, and I want to know why. "Hindi ko alam kung ano yung gagawin ko. Sa tingin ko galit sya sakin, at hindi ko alam yung gagawin ko."
Max remains silent. His forehead is creased, and there's a deep look on his face. This is the look that tells me he's thinking that what he's going to say. Max knows this kind of stuff. He has been gay since forever, and I'm pretty sure he has gone through the same shit as I'm experiencing right now. Well, not that I'm saying I'm gay, but maybe there's something more to me than I haven't realized.
Just thinking about me being gay is exhausting me. All my life, I've been into women. For God's sake, I've had a girlfriend that I really loved even though it was just a short-term love. I have never looked at a man like that, and Isaiah is the first. It's big to assume like this because, the truth is, I've only been thinking about the kiss in the neck and Isaiah, and ever since then, I can't keep that out of my head.
And it's scary as hell.
"Sa tingin ko, kailangan mo syang kausapin."
"Paano ko sya kakausapin, ayaw nya nga akong kausapin?" I tell my best friend, frustration evident in my voice. The last thing I want to do is reach out to the person who currently hates my guts. It's a bad feeling, you know. "Iniiwisan nga ako ng mokong. Ang labo nya kasi, puta."
