Match Made in Quarantine

34. Day X

The next morning, he was up earlier than I was and I found him standing at the kitchen counter, shuffling from leg to leg. Two cups of coffee were in front of him and I approached, curiously.

"Is that for me?" I asked, offering a small smile, and he jumped, only noticing me when I'd gotten close.

"Yeah," he said, offering the still warm cup to me with a sad smile. The worry on his face was evident, and I was struck with the same feeling of guilt I'd had yesterday. Realization that the decision I made was bordering on selfish was starting to rear its ugly head in my mind. I knew this was something I had to do, but I really didn't think through how it could affect him.

"Mads, I'll be okay." I reached out, placing my hand over his gently, "They have a safety gear when I'm there, and a whole decontamination process for when we leave."

He sighed, placing his thumb on top of my hand, and my heart sped up even at that little action, "I know, but still.... I don't like the thought of you being there."

"It's just for a few days. It'll be over before you know it."

"Yeah...."

And then we sipped our coffee in silence until it was time for me to leave.

********

The first day I'd spent only a few hours in the hospital. They showed me how to gather samples for testing and explained the procedures I'd have to maintain. Once my own test came back as negative they sent me home and told me to rest. I would need it, they said, but I didn't grasp the sadness held in those words until later.

When I got back, Maddox jumped from the couch and rushed to my side, anxiety etched into his face.

"Are you okay?" He asked, looking me over as if he could see the answer somewhere on my body.

A small smile rose to my lips, I'd never actually had someone fuss over me like this. Even my parents knew I liked being independent and let me deal with things myself. Here he was though, fussing and worrying over me, and I couldn't help but find it kind of endearing.

I reached out and ruffled his hair, "It was fine, I'm fine. I didn't really do anything today, so...."

He let out a sigh, and a relaxed smile curved his lips. "Good, that's good. I made dinner. I'll go heat it up." With quick steps he shuffled into the kitchen, letting me go get changed out of my day clothes.

The whole time I had a bright smile on my face, only one thought running through my mind.

It's kind of nice, having someone wait for you when you come home.

At that moment, I had no idea how much it would actually mean to me.

********

The next day might have started out the same; Maddox up early, waiting with two cups of coffee. It started the same, but it was not the same.

The second day was the day when I realized what it actually meant to work in a hospital. In my mind, I just wanted to help people, I just wanted to keep other's loved ones safe. At the back of my mind I knew this desire would come with pain and loss. I knew that with life, came death. I'd been trying to steel myself for years, to be able to endure that part of my dream job; lock away my emotions so they don't interfere with work.

Now, having volunteered in a hospital, I knew I was a fool to think doing that would be easy.

Everything was moving so fast around me, I could barely keep up. Doctors and nurses discussed lives as if they were reading a user manual from Ikea; they were facts, and statistics, data they needed to assess and act on. Decisions like who would get the necessary equipment if they started running out were made with heavy hearts but cold determination. I could see in everyone's faces how tired they were, how heavy the burden they carried really was, but their actions were mechanical, fast, automatic. They didn't have time to pause and think or feel because doing that could cost lives.