37: The Consequences of Showing

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Early update because I'm generous af. #JokeIJustWantToFinishThisBook

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Nevermind Royce can't hide his feelings. That plan was a flop. He tried, alright. He tried to act as if he was unbothered but this turned out to be rather difficult and was something beyond his reach. To be fair, it was Nathan's fault because he was the one provoking him yet having no clue the impact his actions left on Royce.

Like the time when they were walking side by side on the streets and their fingers brushed the slightest against each other, just a tiny bit of fraction but it was enough to make Royce jump recklessly from the skin contact, nearly bumping into a car that was passing by. Thank Goodness, Nathan had fast reflexes, pulling Royce into his embrace and yelling. "Are you okay?" With a tone that could only be described as worried.

Royce's face firmly pressed against Nathan's chest, his heart beating rapidly as he became aware of Nathan's scent enveloping him and mumbled timidly. "I'm fine." He couldn't look into his eyes again during the entire walk.

Or like the time when they were in class and although they weren't sitting far from each other, Nathan had leaned down to Royce's level, whispering in his ear, "Do you have an extra pen?" The ticklish sensation made Royce forget all about what he was doing and with his head ducked to hide the subtle blush on his face, he slides the pen, cursing silently.

Needless to say, he couldn't study properly after that, the same spot tingling and buzzing as if someone poured scorching ink to stain his skin. Nathan had an innocent look on his face, Royce scowled himself for being so sensitive.

Or like the time when they were sharing a sandwich made by Royce's mother and the cheese was falling everywhere from the corners as he took a large, daring bite out of it. Nathan stopped talking, his gaze lingering on Royce's lips before he stooped low, wiping off the tiny speck of cheese smudged at the corner of Royce's mouth, with his thumb like it was no big deal. Royce paused chewing, had to tell himself to not freak out, tell his heart to calm down but all in all, having no clue how to react so he twisted his head the other way, his cheeks hot, and finished the rest of his food in a furious mood. Bastard.

These were all friendly gestures, right? But through the perspective of Royce, they play out so differently, he cannot contain the storm brewing up inside him anymore. At this rate, he'd be exposed and everything would sweep through the cracks of his soul, rushing out and he'd finally come undone.

Times like this Royce wished he had a button to stop time. He felt so helpless and vulnerable like he was going to collapse any minute. How could he restrain himself around Nathan if things were going to arise like this? How could he possibly trust himself to not fall for Nathan more than he already has?

It was evident he was on edge, constantly maintaining a certain distance between them and avoided directly staring into his eyes, remained stoic even when Nathan was practically all over him.

Nathan would catch onto his bluff soon or maybe he already has. Maybe both of them were pretending but neither displaying or conveying what they really felt.

Showing but still hiding parts of themselves.

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