Fuck the System by Fucking Each Other

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When the doorbell rang—rudely interrupting John Mulaney's flawless delivery of 'Horse in a Hospital'—I cackled. Loudly.

Kaelin startled awake, bleary-eyed and cranky; she was perpetually ready to go back to sleep. Given she'd been lying upside down, with her head dangling from the couch, I had no idea how she'd managed to doze off in the first place.

Liv looked up over at me sadly, and her position on the tall barstool meant she was looked down at me. The disappointed look was rather sobering. "You're such a garbage human being," she said mournfully.

"I've accepted that," I replied.

Alec tapped my sister's shoulder. "She's character building!"

Well, my intentions were actually just outright malicious. I was being mean for the sake of it. It wasn't the most ethically sound plot I'd ever hatched, but moral integrity seemed to defenestrate itself in the presence of Jace Hartley.

"Are you going to answer the door?" Kaelin asked blearily.

I sprung off the couch, unable to hide the spring in my step as I pranced towards the door. Well, hobbled. "Yes, but only because it's Daria."

Alec frowned. "What makes you say that?"

"She respectfully rang the doorbell once. Hartley would press on it a thousand times, because he's a dick."

Kaelin shrugged in agreement.

I wandered to the front door and threw it open. As predicted, it was Daria's familiar grin that greeted me on the other side of the door. Her dark curls were pulled into the cutest braids, and the dotted yellow sundress she was wearing only further fortified her adorable girl-next-door image. Yeah, I had the biggest girl crush on Daria. She was the single most adorable person I'd ever met.

In stark contrast, Jace remained in the passenger seat of Daria's 1969 Fiat 500 (I really liked cars, and Daria's was adorable and also bright pink), slouching. Night and day, those two. Except with Daria and Jace, you never saw one without the other. They were, as my friends had said, a package deal. Jace seemed reluctant to move any closer to my front door. Given what I had in store for him, I could hardly blame Hartley for the hesitation.

I waved cheerfully at him. He frowned in response. I grinned.

"Looking forward to the project?" Daria asked kindly.

"Not at all," I responded, with an exaggerated thumbs-up. "I hate my life right now!"

Jace came up behind Daria. The frown had melted from his face, and his cheery smile replaced it. He was a strange figure in the shadow of the doorway, the cut of his silhouette incongruous to the opulent surroundings of Chambermore. Hartley had never darkened my doorstep before, and I didn't know how comfortable I was with the change.

"I'd say welcome to my home, but welcome is perhaps an exaggeration, am I right?" I said to Hartley. "I can't believe I have to see your face outside of school."

He smiled at me like I'd just told him I had selected him as 'Sexiest Man Alive'. This Hartley was strange; he laughed at my insults. I was really going to have to think outside the box. "Aw, Elle, you missed me."

"Wow, you have drastically misread our relationship."

"Okay, Lena. Whatever you say."

I was a moment away from punching him in the gut when Liv came up behind me. Okay, I wouldn't punch him. I was sincerely against violence against men. But also, come on. Is it really assault if he, basically, is begging me to do it?

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