Anna: Harry Styles

Heart Out

9th of April 2018

Being back in Manchester is always so bittersweet.

On the one hand, I love being back home even if it's only for a short amount of time, but I also hate coming back home because I always see what I am missing out on.

This time, it was my friend Christsbel, from school, getting engaged to her long term boyfriend Jack, whom she had been with forever.

All my mates from Manchester, Danh, Scarlett and Ella, who is Scarlett's girlfriend, were there for the proposal, which everyone gushed over at dinner last night, which we had at the local pub.

Luckily the wedding was in May next year, meaning I would be able to attend, as that is one thing that I would never want to miss out on.

And there is another thing that hurts my heart when I come back to Manchester, and that is seeing my mum.

I don't know why but I was nervous to go home and see her, as Lauren said that some days she is fine and other days she is off.

The day I came home she was good, she knew who I was and she even knew who Harry was, but the day of Harry's concert, she was not well, which shows just how quickly her condition can change.

My mum was always a soft, gentle soul but the Alzheimer's is slowly starting to take away her soul, making her aggressive and agitated more often than not.

It hurts seeing her life this and knowing there is nothing you can do, and it hurts even more that she knows what's going on and that it is just simply going to get worse.

Harry and I decided to stay at my house in Manchester for the two nights that we were here, which always made me feel a little bit awkward because of how my room looks, and will probably continue to look until I am old and grey.

"I love your room, it is so quintessentially you," Harry said as we lay in bed together, which was slightly uncomfortable because my bed is so small, but we made it work, we always make it work.

"It looks like sixteen year old me threw up in here," I laughed, the sunflower wallpaper that my bed is pushed up against a stark reminder of how much I will always love sunflowers.

"I think it's cute," Harry said sweetly, the morning light slowly starting to peak through the curtains, meaning it was time for us to probably be getting up.

I scanned my room once more, photos from high school lining the walls, along with old designs of mine and concert posters, making me smile slightly as I rested my head on Harry's chest.

"Although I do have to say, if I'm gonna be staying here more often, you're gonna need a bigger bed," Harry added and I laughed, knowing he had a point.

"I think if I got anything bigger than a double bed it would take up my entire room."

While my room in Manchester was small, it was warm and cozy, and reminded me of myself, in ways that I could not get while working.

It was the sunflower wallpaper, the photos of my dad and me on my dresser, my tattered converse in my wardrobe, my year twelve formal dress hanging on the back of my door; it all made me feel so at ease and I loved it.