Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Joanna: Marry Me

Title: Marry Me

Author: JayxxDaniel

Reviewer: joanna388

Cover + Blurb: 5/10

I like the colors in your cover. They're vibrant—in as natural kind of way—and catch your eye when skimming through books to read. Have you ever given any thought to changing the name? While the cover has a wolf centering it to suggest the genre, the title is a little misleading. I—for example—would have skipped a book named 'marry me', if I was looking for a werewolf book to read. Especially if I went by their names.

I also suggest you add your username on the cover, mostly to keep safe from someone else using it as their own.

Your blurb doesn't really have much information about your book, nor your character. We only know that Evan wants to find his mate, and when he does, he wants to give it up, but the bond is too strong.

Is there nothing else happening in the book? No pack conflict for example? If there's more to this story than just the mate bond and the romance between them, write about it, show a little bit of that to your readers to pull them in.

Now, if your book centers on the bond, please add more information about your characters. Both of them. And since you say that Evan wants to fight it when they first meet, make us question why. There's definitely some conflict on that.

On the other hand, if the reason you chose not to mention his mates identity is to keep it a secret at first, then consider describing his character a little without mentioning his name.

Intro: 2/5

The intro is pretty plain, but good, starting at his office. Truthfully, it could have been phrased a little better. For example:

"My phone, kept on my office desk, buzzed indicating that there were notifications pouring in. I ignored the messages and checked the time, 1:04 p.m."

There are a few unnecessary words here, and that, combined with the punctuation, makes it a little tiring to read:

My phone buzzed on my office desk, indicating there were notifications pouring in. I ignored the messages and checked the time: 1:04 p.m.

Plot + Originality: 5/10

Wattpad has an abundance of werewolf books constantly striving to out-shine each other and reach the top. That means the plot—its important parts at least—are used again and again by different writers. Of course, every writer has their own unique writing style that makes their work stand out, but I have to admit that there have been times when I just felt like I was reading the same book over and over.

I was pleasantly surprised when I started reading your book. We don't see the pack life in it as much as werewolves living in the outside world, right next to humans, and in our main characters case, work in a firm.

The plot itself—since it's about the two being mates—isn't that original, but, like I said, every writer has a different story to tell.

Grammar + Punctuation: 2/20

To be frank here, you're going to have to work really hard on both.

For starters, I noticed that you constantly switch between tenses. You go from past to present and back. That confuses the reader, and stops the flow of the book, so I suggest you choose the one you feel most comfortable writing in, and stick to that.

Your sentence structure and punctuation need some work as well. There were times were you used more words to describe something than was needed, thus overloading the paragraph and making it harder to read.

If you google it, you can find both websites, and actual videos of teachers explaining more about these thoroughly, that I'm sure will be of great help!

Also, when you write, speak the finished product aloud. That helps with punctuation especially. You can tell when you use pauses as you speak, and see if it matches in your paragraph. Be careful not to overdo it with the comma's though.

It's better to start from the beginning. Learn to recognize the subject, verb, object, etc. That's crucial when learning about sentence structure. I will be listing a few sentences that I've spotted while reading your book, and giving you recommendations about the structure, punctuation and grammar where it's due.

For example:

"I stretched my stiffen body in the uncomfortable chair on which I was sitting for almost 2 hours, wondering why was I not having a much need lunch with my colleagues instead of dying in the piles of documents. The answer came back to my mind in a bullet speed because I have a deadline."

Instead of that:

I stretched my stiffened body in the uncomfortable chair I was sitting at for almost the past 2 hours, wondering why I wasn't having a much needed lunch with my colleagues, instead of dying between these piles of documents. The answer came fast enough, I had a deadline.

Example:

"The floor was literally deserted, bringing in peace which I neededas I had a mild headache."
Instead:

The floor was deserted, bringing in a much needed peace, considering my mild headache.

Example: