Bad Decisions - Alex Turner

43. When The Sun Goes Down

The first thing I did was block that son of a bitch.

Fuck. No.

  Not again. Not a fucking chance in hell.

  I felt sick. I felt filthy like I always did when I used to be with him. My skin ran a cold sweat, I almost wanted to cry. Apart from anger, the only other thing coursing through my veins was fear. The thought of him coming anywhere near me again terrified me. It made me worry for the safety of mine and Alex's relationship. We were going so good and I wasn't going to let Christian get into my head and ruin that for me.

  My heart was pounding out of my chest. I could've sworn Alex would've been able to feel it or at least hear it as he laid beside me still asleep. My eyes kept scanning over those five foul messages over and over and each time I felt my body begin to fall apart more and more. I found myself terrified of him sending another message, even after I'd blocked his number. I didn't want him to talk to me. I hadn't heard from him in almost exactly a year. And I didn't want to now or ever again.

  I could already hear his voice, coaxing me and telling me he loved me, apologising for what he did to me all for me to go back to him. Just so he could have me chained to his little finger once again, on call for the next time he got hard. Before I knew it, I was crying silently into my pillow.

  I tried so hard to keep my sobs internal and keep my body still as to not concern Alex, I didn't want to ruin his happiness. I didn't want my inability to let go of how the past made me feel hurt him.

  Fucking hell, I hated Christian so much. That bastard. I thought I was passed that time in my life but all he had to do was message me and suddenly I was completely fucked up and in tears all over again. Mostly because it made me scared of losing Alex.

  "O?" Alex mumbled into my hair, still almost entirely asleep. I didn't say anything at first, hoping he'd just go back to sleep, but then his arms began to shift around me as he muttered my name again.

  "Yeah?" I whispered as quietly as I could, trying my best to ignore the feeling of the tears creeping down my face onto the pillow.

  "You okay?" Alex mumbled quietly.

  "Yeah," I nodded and sunk back into his embrace, reminding myself that I wasn't Christian's property anymore, and that Alex was with me and would always be there for me. I closed my eyes tight and focused on his embrace and what I had now. Christian was just a lonely prick trying to find someone to get his dick hard, I didn't need to worry about him anymore, as far as I was concerned, he was dead to me.

  "Baby?" Alex asked softly, lifting his head to see my face. He must've known I was crying. I don't know how but he always seemed to be able to read me better than anyone else. "What's wrong?" Alex asked me softly, his voice calming me out of my panic.

  "It's just my ankle," I lied. I felt terrible for doing so but I didn't want to hurt him nor concern him. "I'm okay, I promise."

  "Do you need more ice?" Alex asked quietly. I shook my head. "Come here," Alex hummed and brought me on top of his chest, hugging me into him and kissing my forehead. "I'm right here."

  "I know," I nodded with a whisper and buried my face into his arms. He fell asleep again not long after but it took me a long while even to feel tired again. My mind was so awake that night that it made sleep almost impossible. But when I finally did fall asleep, it was to the comforting thought that I had Alex now, and I was going to be okay.

  My ankle had pretty much healed itself up by the time Alex and I were due to head back to LA. I didn't get to ski too much because of it but it didn't lessen the fun I had. Alex and Amie got pretty close too, as the days I spent at the lodge to rest my ankle, I convinced Alex to go out skiing and Amie and Émilio showed him around to all these different slopes; ensuring he had the most fulfilling experience. Apparently Amie would always talk Alex's ears off when they'd be on the ski lift but Alex never seemed to mind and told me all the little stories Amie told him.