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Logan was kicked out of Harvard

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Logan was kicked out of Harvard. It's been two weeks since I posted the video and this morning, he was officially dismissed from the campus grounds.

He lost his scholarship, most college boards across the country know what he did, but I'm not going to be delusional. He'll find somewhere else to go.

Perhaps it'll mean it won't be a free ride but his parents seem intent on supporting him and speaking out against me, the vicious wench spreading lies about their son.

Knowing he was kicked out of Harvard didn't bring me the elation I hoped it would. It's good, I'm glad he's suffered that distress. But it hasn't healed mine. Not that I expected it would.

I've seen a therapist twice now. She's great, nice, patient when I struggle. I've learned a few exercises to deal with my anger.

The assault, that'll take a while to work through, but it's a start.

I had a nightmare two nights ago, I woke up in cold sweats, it felt like a weight was on top of me.

Weakness took hold and I self-harmed again.

After I did it, I sat in the bathroom, white towels stained in blood, crying in anguish for steeping that low, again. The frustration was brutal.

How can I do so well for so long, and fail again?

Mom found me in the bathroom, numb with defeat.

She didn't freak out, she just took the towels, threw them in the machine and gave me the band aids I needed. She didn't talk or coax me to open up, she waited with me, until I found the strength to call my therapist.


Tomorrow is my birthday and we're having a family gathering. All of us. Drayton and his family, Aunt Ellie and Uncle Leroy, Dad.

It was all I wanted, all of us together. I haven't had dad participate in a family gathering since I was a child, I can't wait.

He moved into his new place last week, it's a five-minute drive down the road. His office is being renovated, for now he works from home and we've seen him almost every day. He and mom are being peaceful, he's constantly at our house.

It's a Saturday and I'm in the last place I ever thought I would be. The gym. Dad is with me and that makes it easier.

There's no Logan here, it's me, I'm strong, I'm not what happened to me.

We stand in the middle of the ring, the black floor has a gold circle in it, the red ropes smell like disinfectant from being cleaned before we got here.

Ronnie is around but she agreed to let us be while we have a spar. It's just for fun, no pressure while I get back into the swing of things for the first time.

Dad is tightening his gloves, he's wearing shorts and a t-shirt while I'm in shorts and a tank top, the sort with a stitched in sports bra. My powder blue gloves needed a dust off when I pulled them out of the closet, but I can't stop staring at my hands, pleased at how happy I am to be wearing them again.

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